It Hurts Me, Too: What Breaking Up Is Like From A Guy's Perspective

by John Picciuto

There’s always that lengthy duration of sadness, regret and fear when a relationship ends. You look back at the time spent and wonder what you could have done differently.

Was there anything more you could do? Was she the one? Was your inability to adapt the driving wedge?

You take an extra hard look at what transpired over the course of the relationship and ultimately, you’re just left with more questions than answers.

At the end of the day, I'm sad because I just lost someone I obviously cared deeply about, but more so, I'm overwhelmingly thankful.

I know that thankfulness seems like an odd feeling to have after a relationship ends — especially depending on how badly things ended. But for me, at least this time around, I’m thankful.

Why, you might ask? This girl, amongst all the many women in my life, fundamentally changed who I am and how I act. Truthfully I waited my whole life to meet her.

I waited this long to absolutely head-over-heels fall in love with someone, and I’m glad I experienced it. I’m even more glad about who I experienced it with. It’s a special thing — love. It really is.

It’s not something that you can force and it’s not something you can plan but sometimes, you just end up stumbling into something great, even if it doesn’t work out.

I’m going to take a moment and look back at the awesome times we had: the first kiss, the first dinner, date, everything. I’m going to look back at all the memories with such fondness that even if I’m not in the greatest of places today, tomorrow I'll be glad I shared them.

You don’t plan on breaking up with someone when you get together. You don’t plan on things not working out and perhaps, that’s why it’s so hard to let people go. All you do is see the good times and the great moments you shared.

That’s why breaking up is hard to do. But, as relationships wear on, you realize more and more clearly whether this is a person you can spend the rest of your life with or not.

And for me, I’m not entirely sure I got the opportunity to answer that question, but the separation will inevitably be what makes me realize that for better or for worse, what we had was special.

I don’t pretend to have the answers. In actuality, I probably have none of them. I only own my life experiences: the ups, downs and the feelings associated with them.

For the time being, I’ll appreciate that I’m sad. I’ll accept that I’m upset because you know what? All that really means is that what we shared was real — that what we had meant something.

I’d rather feel like sh*t any day of the week knowing the time I spent with someone wasn’t for nothing. As funny as it sounds, I’m thankful for this broken heart; I’m thankful for this sh*tty feeling because I know, deep down, she changed me and I’m better off for it.

For a while there, I thought it would be unlikely that I ever fall in love. For a while, I honestly felt I would be a single bachelor my whole life, and I didn’t necessarily mind it.

I was worried that I lacked the fundamental capabilities to love someone. And now, I know that’s not the case. Now I know I can fight for love and I can appreciate love and I can care for someone more deeply than I ever imagined possible.

I know I would be willing to put someone else first, that I’d — for once in my life — stop being the selfish prick I am and truly, genuinely love someone with all my heart. That’s a powerful gift I was given, and something I will never take for granted again.

Unfortunately, not everything in life works out. And unfortunately, not everyone is meant to be with you forever. That’s okay.

Things happen for a reason in life; you have to just smile and be thankful for the days you’ve lived and the days to come.

I don’t believe in mistakes. I don’t believe in regrets, and for me, I’m happy as hell that I met this person. I’m incredibly blessed to have shared the time I have with her because I’m a better person for having met her.

So, I took my bruises but now I can smile and look back fondly on the time we spent together. I can live without a regret and know the pain I’m feeling now is because of the love we shared.

Breakups suck and losing people is difficult. Take your time to feel badly and take your time to feel sorry, but don’t find yourself lost in a funk.

Grieve, but know when it’s time to stand up again. Life is too short to be anything but happy every day. Life is about falling down and willing yourself to get back up. The fight off the ground is what makes life special.

It’s not about the number of times we get knocked down, but the number of times we get back up. Life is an incredibly precarious, gentle, fragile thing and you should never take it for granted.

Be thankful for the time you have with someone in your life because there are no guarantees about what tomorrow holds.