You Don't Want A Boyfriend Or A Girlfriend, You Want A Partner

by Paul Hudson

I honestly don’t understand how some people date as much as they do. It’s expensive -- whether you’re the man or woman -- time-consuming and, 95 percent of the time, entirely fruitless. I understand not wanting to be lonely, but let’s be honest… you’re still lonely. Now you’re just lonely with company.

I get that having some form of human companionship, even if lacking genuineness, is often needed to maintain a levelheadedness. Nonetheless, sooner or later, that feeling of being entirely alone will creep back up on you.

The worst part being that these sorts of relationships never work and just about always end badly. So, in the end, you get to experience all the stress, frustration and emotional imbalance thanks to an individual who was never worth the trouble to begin with.

It’s an interesting turn society took in the last few decades -- as far as interpersonal relationship practices go. Once upon a time, we dated rarely; today, we date frequently and with an almost sickening fervor.

I think everyone knows at least one or two individuals who haven’t been single in half a decade -- never holding down a relationship lasting over eight months.

Yes, we have more options now than we have ever had before… but when it comes to finding "the one," a bigger haystack only makes finding the needle that much more difficult. You see, I understand your logic.

There are so many potential suitors out there that you want to make sure you get through as many of them as possible -- in order to maximize your chances of finding your ideal partner (cough cough).

The issue is that you’re being incredibly inefficient. The more people you date, the more time you waste. And not just your time, but your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s time as well. If your goal is to go through that option-pool as soon as possible, then you’re actually working against yourself.

Think about it. The more people you date, the less likely you make it for the person you are dating to find the love of his or her life. Since clearly it isn’t you, you wasting his or her time makes it less likely for him or her to find an ideal partner.

Which, in turn, means these people are more likely to continue dating the wrong people -- very likely making your ideal partner unavailable for you to bring into your life when you happen to meet him or her (if you even get a chance, that is).

If we all date all the time, then we're basically guaranteeing that we'll all end up either in miserable relationships or entirely alone; our ideal partners will always be dating the wrong person, as we ourselves will be.

The truth is that although we may not know the right person for us, we almost certainly know the wrong person when we meet him or her. You ought to be able to cross 80 percent of the people in the world off your candidates list within the first hour of meeting them.

If you can’t, then you don’t know yourself well enough to understand what it is that you want. Either way, you aren’t ready to make a relationship work; you need to know yourself first or you risk making the right relationship fail.

Another problem with dating frequently is that you never get a chance to understand how important it is to find someone to share your life with. Dating the way we do keeps us content.

It gives us the companionship we want -- not exactly the way we’d like it, but since we’re always keeping it new, we always keep it somewhat exciting. We keep putting bandaids on a cut that needs stitches, something more permanent to help hold our lives together.

Only when you spend enough time alone -- truly alone -- do you begin to understand what exactly it is that you’re missing in your life -- whom you are missing in your life.

If you never allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, because you always have someone in your life, then you won’t be able to see a good thing when you finally find it.

Boyfriends and girlfriends are easy to come by -- everyone seems to have someone, all the time. Find yourself a partner instead -- someone who wants to team up with you to take on life itself.

Again, knowing the right partner when you meet him or her is difficult. But knowing the wrong one is much easier than you’re likely willing to admit.

It’s almost as if everyone in the world is either trying to settle or trying to keep a plan B, just in case. The reality is that finding the ideal partner is mostly out of your control. What you can do, however, is maximize your chances for success.

Stick to potential candidates that are most likely to lead to fruitful relationships. Don't waste your time, or his or her time, when you know that the two of you aren't going to work out.

Girlfriends and boyfriends are for children and teenagers; you're an adult now -- you need a partner.

You need someone who will be there for you without you ever having to ask. Someone who is always looking out for you, always having your best interest in mind, always supporting you.

You need a partner because only a partner will be there for you when having someone there for you matters most: when life decides to see how much pain and suffering you can take before you buckle at the knees.

Life has a way of thrashing us about. Sometimes the blows are swift. Other times they are slowly debilitating.

It's times like these that having a partner by your side can literally mean the difference between life and death, success and failure, happiness and misery.

The most beautiful thing about having a partner to share your life with, however, is how it allows you to live past the limitations of a single lifetime.

Having a partner allows you to live two lives -- not just your own. All the ups and downs, laughs and tears, stumbles and climbs, are all shared by both you and your lover.

It's a beautiful system when set up and maintained correctly. All the pains and sadnesses you have to suffer through life, you no longer have to suffer through alone.

Sure, you are going to share in your lover's pains and troubles as well, but when you're in a partnership, you distribute and share the weight. You may not be able to carry 200 lbs up a mountainside, but the two of you can share the burden and make the trip many times together with much less effort.

The world can be a brutal place. Life itself can be a constant uphill struggle. Know that you don't need to try and survive it alone.

Sure, you could do it all on your own... but remember, the goal in life is to maximize happiness and minimize suffering. Finding a life partner is, by far, the most efficient and pleasant way of doing so.

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