Ah, ghosting. It's the dating phenomenon that happens when people are too cowardly to actually end things with the people they've been seeing, so they choose to just… disappear instead.
Ghosters are idiots. But if you've ever been ghosted, know that you're not alone.
In this weekly column, I share a tale of a time a reader was ghosted (with accompanying screenshots) so you can see the last text that was sent or words that were uttered before someone decided to disappear forever. I present to you: Boom, Ghosted.
This week, we have Riley*. She's from India, where apparently ghosting is also a thing. Lots of elements of her story bother me, but I think what kills me the most is that he INITIATED THE CONVERSATION. Like what?
Read it for yourself.
I'm from India. I have been single for three years and my last relationship left me rather broken and commitment-phobic. So I'm the kind of single girl that hooks up with new guys every week. I'm basically enjoying being single so much that I don't see myself being committed ever again. I have had a few flings and friends with benefits, but for the most part, it has been one-night stands. And I obviously don't date. So as much as I have read about "ghosting" and all the other latest dating phenomenons out there, I hadn't experienced it for myself until recently. I met this guy on Tinder and we somehow connected. We had a million things in common. So I did something I never do -- I gave him my number after talking to him for just a day. The very next night, we ended up meeting for a late-night coffee, that extended to a long drive and an all-nighter at a sheeshah bar. By the time he dropped me back off home, it was 7 am and after having kept me up literally all night, we hadn't so much as kissed. He called me on the phone as he drove away and we talked for another hour on the phone. We texted all day and the next day. Until I met him two days later for another late-night drive. He was going to his parents' place the next day and invited me to join him -- I freaked out, of course, and refused. By this time, I had talked about him to my closest girl friends and had reached a point where he was constantly on my mind. My friends, who saw my face and realized I LIKED this guy, let their mouths hang open in shock. My BFF got super hopeful that I had finally found someone and encouraged me to continue seeing him although I was starting to get extremely scared. Meanwhile, our man is constantly texting me, stalking me on Facebook, flirting, sending me memes that say “I love texting those people that you feel overly comfortable with and you just don't care what you say because nothing is ever awkward." He is also making a million plans with me -- he wants to come see my new house after I move the next week, wants me to teach him salsa, wants me to see his place, wants to take me to random places in the city, meet my brother who was going to be visiting me in a few weeks, take me on a bike ride, etc, etc. Date number three the very next day -- he comes home with a bottle of wine. We drank and watched some random videos on YouTube, but mostly talked. Then he finally made a move and we hooked up. When he left my home that night, he didn't call me to talk on the phone all the way home. He didn't text me at all the next day. I finally heard from him the next night. At this point, I was starting to get extremely confused, anxious, upset and most of all, furious with myself for getting in this situation. I could not believe I had let someone through my sky-high walls and it was so quickly becoming clear that it had been a HUGE mistake. I mean, if all he wanted was to hook up with me, he could have done it the first night. He didn't have to be all sweet. Anyway, my friends continued to stay hopeful and said, "give it time, he will get in touch." And he did, after a week. I was thrilled but I took a reasonable amount of time before I replied. We made plans to meet up that week. On the day we were supposed to meet, I texted him and then this happened:
I would have liked to think he got busy with something personal, but he has been sitting and posting stupid, funny videos on Facebook. Its been over a month since we last met. He is still on my Facebook friend list and regularly "likes" my pictures. Honestly, if he was in the hospital with a broken rib or even dead, I would have understood. THIS though, I don't understand. The only thing I understand is why everyone says being ghosted is brutal. It totally is. Also, why does anyone start a conversation if they do not intend to finish or even continue it? Again, the only explanation is if you dropped dead after saying hello.
I'm with Riley on this one. Lots of things really bother me about this story. I hate that she finally let herself trust again only to be disappointed. I also really hate that he used having no cash as an excuse not to hang out. But what I hate the MOST is that he initiated the conversation. Like, why bother? It just doesn't make any sense to me.
But what do you guys think? Have you ever had a similar experience? Do you think initiating a conversation only to never respond is as rude as I do? Let me KNOW. I always want to hear what you're thinking.
And, as always, if you have any stories of your own that you'd like to submit, feel free to inbox them to me here.
*Name has been changed.