Confession: I’m a single woman, and I’m best friends with someone I’ve dated.
In a perfect world, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and they get married and live happily ever after.
There’s no baggage, no crazy exes to contend with and no friends of the opposite sex to get jealous about.
But back to reality: Everyone has baggage, hooking up has become more common than dating and friends with benefits have become the norm.
I get it. I really do.
You meet someone you like, everything is going great and then you find out his best friend is someone of the opposite sex whom he's also seen naked.
It’s less than ideal, and I’ve been there before myself.
The last guy I seriously dated was also best friends with his ex.
His ex used to be an adult film star, and she was still in love with him.
I stupidly accepted his friendship for what it was because of my own friendship with a guy I had dated.
I didn’t want to be a hypocrite.
I liked my ex enough, so I wanted to give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and make things work.
Of course, my situation went up in flames when he dumped me because his ex slept over at his house one night.
So I was saying, it’s less than ideal.
If the person you’re dating is shady, his best friend relationship will likely cause more trouble than it's worth.
But if you're assuming you’re dating someone decent and trustworthy who happens to be friends with an ex, what do you do?
To state the obvious, there’s only two logical choices: accept it, or give him his walking papers.
But most people (especially women) choose a less talked about “third” option.
It's an option that never works and causes the most heartbreak for everyone.
These women pretend to be okay with the best friend arrangement.
They lay on the charm when they meet the friends, only to try to get rid of the friends once they think they’ve roped in their boyfriends enough to manipulate them.
Nice try, ladies.
It hasn’t worked for all the ones who came before you, and I can assure you it won’t work for you, either.
Here are four reasons you should stop feeling threatened by me:
1. We’re strictly platonic.
I know everyone says that, but seriously.
We’ve been friends for far longer than we've ever dated, and the thought of doing the horizontal tango with him now kind of makes me throw up in my mouth a little. (I’m sure you like it just fine, though.)
He hasn’t seen me naked in half a decade, and we’ve even slept in bed next to each other drunk on countless occasions without anything romantic transpiring.
Like I said, we're strictly platonic.
2. We have boundaries.
Speaking of sleeping in the same bed together, that’s something we would never do and have never done when we’re seeing other people (even though it’s strictly platonic).
We’ve both had semi-serious relationships since we became just friends, and we have unwritten rules about what is and isn’t allowed when we’re dating other people.
I’m not looking to infringe on your girlfriend territory, as long as you don’t infringe on my friend territory.
If we wanted to be together, we would have been.
I’ve been there and rode that ride.
If I had wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with him, I would have (and vice versa).
Some people are simply better off as friends.
If we haven’t decided to take our friendship to another level during the past five years before you came around, do you really think we're really going to cross that line when he’s dating you?
3. It’s not just about us anymore.
He’s been there for my 4-year-old son since the day he was born, and I spend the holidays with his family.
I was in his brother’s wedding, for hell's sake.
By trying to get rid of me, you’re not just trying to ruin our friendship, but you’re also trying to break up a family.
For all intents and purposes, we’re family at this point.
Think about all the people you’re impacting before you do something stupid and try to cut me out.
I’ll get on his ass if he’s a dick to you.
Newsflash: Sometimes guys are assh*les, and sometimes women are crazy.
By having me around, you automatically have a female in your corner who will tell him to stop being a dick if he mistreats you.
Likewise, he has no trouble putting me in my place when I jump onboard the crazy train when I’m in a relationship.
4. You won’t win. Period.
Others have tried before you and failed miserably.
If I had a dollar for every time someone he’s dated has pretended to be okay with me upfront, only to sink her teeth in me once she's got him whipped, I’d have at least $5.
I’m not going anywhere, and neither is he.
If you don’t like it, your only options are to deal with it or leave.
If you’re one of those people who doesn’t want your significant other having friends of the opposite sex, I totally get it, and that’s completely respectable.
It’s always up to you to set the standards and boundaries you’re willing to accept in your life and in your relationships.
I’m a firm believer that people should never settle for something they’re unhappy or uncomfortable with.
All I ask is that people start being upfront about their intentions and what their agendas are.
If you can’t handle the fact I’m best friends with someone I’ve dated (or vice versa), voice your opinion and then walk away so you can find someone who meets your standards.
But please, save our time and your own, and stop with the underhanded manipulation in an attempt to break up a friendship.
It’s not a winning situation, especially for you.