This Is What Was Holding Me Back From Finding A Relationship For Years

“I hate being single."

“Am I the problem?”

“Seriously, will anyone ever like me again?!”

To be completely honest, I have used and abused the aforementioned quotes ... plus many more. I have complained about being single AF over the past few months, possibly more often than I have breathed.

I hate it.

While I am sure I am not the only one in this paralyzing and unfortunate situation, I also know that in my case, I am 100 percent to blame for my single-ness.

This became abundantly clear at an afternoon lunch — turned into a sort of intervention — with my sister. Said intervention was sparked from yet another weekend with no new dating prospects and continued complaints.

After realizing we have had this exact same talk for months, the conversation turned into less of a bitch fest, and more of a “How did it get this bad?” session.

Insert the light-bulb-going-off feeling right here. It was then that I realized my darling sister had about just enough of my complaints, and something had to change.

It was then that I realized my darling sister had about just enough of my complaints, and something had to change.

Not only am I single AF, I refused to put any effort into dating. None. I didn't talk to cute guys at the bar, I absolutely refused to use dating apps, I've turned down setups, the list goes on.

Sure, there have been plenty of options that have somehow come into my life over the past few months. However, they basically go right back out of my life within minutes.

I don't even given them a second glance before deciding to remain closed off and determined to be alone, even though I complain about it.

Do I think someone will magically appear in my life and whisk me off into dating bliss with no effort needed on my end? Absolutely not.

Do I think someone will magically appear in my life and whisk me off into dating bliss with no effort needed on my end? Absolutely not.

So, why if I complain about being single all the time am I subconsciously choosing to not date — not engage with guys ... not do anything that could remotely change my situation?

The answer here is very simple: My heart is too broken for me to even consider dating.

I can't even do the simplest most innocent things when it comes to dating because deep down, I am too hurt and too tired of being disappointed.

I'm not sure all tortured single souls are like me and in this state because their heart is not fully together, but I would bet a lot are — whether it is because someone broke their heart, or that they haven't gotten over trust issues from a cheating ex.

Someone whose heart is not whole, not strong all on its own, simply can't “give it their all” when it comes to being single and attempting to date.

The broken hearts who attempt to date are the ones who choose the inappropriate options.Those options have less of a chance of making it through all of the barriers, and into your heart. They are low-risk options because deep down you know they won't realistically work out.

After years of being the “broken heart” putting herself out there for another try in the world of love. I can't pretend I'm ready to date.

While I loathe being single from every bit of my body, my heart is still not whole all by itself.

I know that broken hearts happen, and they will never be perfectly put back together to the way they once were. But beyond that, I do know broken hearts can become stronger hearts once they repair themselves all on their own. I am just not there yet.

But beyond that, I do know broken hearts can become stronger hearts once they repair themselves all on their own. I am just not there yet.