I'm not an angry person.
But there is one thing that infuriates — yes, INFURIATES — me: people bitching nonstop about being single, as though it's some sort of rare and unusual disease they contracted by a horrible twist of fate.
I don't happen to be single currently, but I spent the first 22 years of my life single (not counting a brief, two-week long, sixth grade stint in a relationship). And you know what? It was not a big deal… like, at all.
My mom's single, too! Oh, and so is my dad! And my sister!
A whole family filled with single people, AND WE'RE ALL PERFECTLY FINE.
Still not completely relieved of the urge to cry about the potential of dying alone with a million cats?
Let me give you 25 concrete reasons (other than the obvious fact that nobody cares about this nonexistent problem you've made up, and worrying about this is never going to bring you any closer to finding love) why being single is really not that bad, and you need to shut the F up about it:
1. You don't have to shave your legs... or any other body part.
2. You can put your hands up when Beyoncé calls out for all her single ladies.
3. You can sleep starfish-style on the bed.
4. You don't have to worry about Brazilian waxes.
5. You can make out with that guy at the bar without thinking twice.
6. You won't be judged for ordering three desserts on a cold, winter night.
7. You don't have to go to any holiday party other than your own.
8. You're only obligated to constantly think about one person: yourself.
9. You have plenty of time to do whatever the hell you want.
10. You don't have to stress about a breakup.
11. You don't have to check in with anyone when you go out.
12. You can binge-watch TV in your bed in your underwear, and nobody can give you shit for it.
13. You don't have to stress over dumb fights.
14. You aren't spending your life hanging onto someone's every text.
15. You don't have to stress over signs of impending breakups.
16. You have friends (and if you don't, you should probably focus on finding some instead).
17. You have a job (and if you don't, you should probably focus on getting one of those instead).
18. You can spend two hours in the gym and not feel like you're messing up someone else's schedule.
19. You can fart as much as you want in bed.
20. You don't have to worry about splitting your holidays between your own family and someone else's.
21. You never have to worry about someone potentially breaking your heart at any given moment.
22. Your morning-after-going-out stories are infinitely funnier than your cuffed friends.
23. You can flirt with all the boys you want for free drinks.
24. You don't have to worry about buying any extra Christmas gifts.
25. You are still a whole person and don't need someone else to complete you.
That last one is probably the most important reason there is.
Relationships with other people will come and go, but the relationship with yourself is the one you've got forever. So quit your bitching and start focusing on that.