Becoming ‘The One’: You Need To Be Your Best Self Before You Look For Your Best Match


If you were to ask my close friends to name something they wished they could change about me, they would probably say that I am too picky.

Whether it's the restaurant at which we're eating, or the perfect outfit I'm trying to find for the weekend, I just never seem to be completely satisfied.

My trait of being fastidious to the point of discontent definitely diminished my potential to meet a significant other as I entered the dating world.

I remember talking to a friend about how the scenario would play out: I'd meet a guy; he'd have a nice physique and be handsome, but not ambitious or goal-oriented. He didn't care enough to chase after his dreams.

So, on to the next one. I'd meet another guy- witty and ambitious, but the physical chemistry just wasn't there.

On to another date: one who's easy on the eyes, tall, and successful, but the epitome of why nice guys get discouraged when they finish last. He's the douchebag who somehow seems to attract hordes of women. But I've already put up with enough of this type in high school and college; I don't have time for that anymore.

Then, I meet another guy. He's easygoing and well-educated, but maybe our sense of humor and interests don't align because I just don't feel compelled to call back.

I quickly find myself back at square one. Single and sitting at a table for one. And on lonelier days, back on Tinder.

One night when I was hungry and feeling lazy, I thought about ordering pizza for delivery, but got sidetracked by a weird maze of thoughts:

At that very moment, I decided to stop being so passive about my flaws and committed to bettering myself to become "the one."

I needed to possess the admirable traits that I expected to find in a significant other. So it began with me going to the grocery store to buy some ingredients and learn how to make a damn good meal for myself.

After that, I held myself to a higher standard and promised that I would work on improving everything to become the best person that I was capable of becoming, or else I'd be guilty of living a life of hypocrisy- judging each potential date for their shortcomings while being completely oblivious to mine.

I disliked it when my date's car was a complete mess, so I started making my bed every morning after waking up to keep my room looking tidy.

I disliked it when my date was judgmental about a friend, so I promised to make it a habit to give a dollar to the next homeless person I encountered without judging or assuming where that money would be spent on.

I disliked it when my date couldn't let minor arguments go, so I promised myself that the next person who wronged me would receive gifts of forgiveness and love, even if their actions pained me.

I disliked it when one of my dates arrived at the restaurant looking disheveled, so I learned to take the extra time to get ready and show the next person I saw that I took the time and effort, because they were special enough for me to want to look good for.

I disliked the fact that a date was late when we first met up, so I learned the import of being punctual, if not, even arriving earlier than our designated appointment, because I respected both of our precious time.

I disliked the haircut of one of my dates, but I learned to not be so damn shallow, because I'm no Beyoncé in the morning either.

I was not perfect, nor will I be, but I acted as if I was. As a result, I discounted all the admirable traits that were worthy of being noted in my dates.

Although some were not best suited for me, I'm sure others were, but I let them go because my nose was too high up in the air- but maybe that is what their deal breaker was, regarding me.

Searching for Prince Charming or Cinderella seems to be a challenge for many people. But one thing that many people do not realize because they get caught up in their romantic search, is that we must spend time on shaping and preparing ourselves for our future partner.

We have all chased after someone at one point in our lives hoping to find the right one, but somewhere along the process, we lose sight on the importance of becoming the one for the one.

Ultimately, I listed out all the basic traits that I hoped to find in my future partner, such as being patient, driven, honest, understanding, humble, disciplined, independent, etc. Now I had to reflect on myself- was I modeling these qualities as well?

I guess life could be easier if I just listen to my friends and not be so picky from the get-go, but I'll probably just stick to working on becoming the one.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It