It's midnight. You're wide awake and your phone is on your bed side table tempting you with its silent stare. It's been hours, days, weeks or even months since you heard from "that person." You can't help but wonder if they are awake, thinking about you, while you search social media for some kind of sign that they haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
You are laying there, hoping some kind of validation or reassurance comes in the form of an "I miss you" or "You up?" text. As your mind wanders, you convince yourself there is no way you will be able to go back to sleep until he or she acknowledges your existence.
You panic thinking that text will never come. You reach out for your phone and take one of the biggest risks of our generation: sending a text first. You think, maybe they are waiting for you, so you just need to make the first move. You may have felt vulnerable and lonely before, but in the time you wait for the reply, those feelings only increase as each minute passes.
You wait impatiently, thinking a response is the only satisfaction you need to prove that it was all worth it. You play out different scenarios in your head of what they are doing that is keeping them from their phone. Your whole life in that moment revolves around them and what their response might be -- that is, if it ever comes. You lose control, and you are left feeling just as helpless as you felt before.
But, what if you had made a more conscious decision? What if instead of letting your urges control you, you controlled your urges? What if you had thought through the situation, before you took that leap of faith?
There is nothing wrong with taking a risk if you feel like it is worth the reward. However, there are some questions you should ask yourself before you decide to send him or her a text in the middle of the night.
If he or she does answer me, how long will the satisfaction last?
You took the leap of faith, and you got what you desired. He or she texted you back, and finally you are able to spend a certain amount of time texting back and forth. But how long does that make you feel happy? Will you go back to sleep, only to wake up feeling sad and desiring more communication that you may not get? Will you have to wait until another "middle of the night" rolls around to hear from this person again?
Do not let the satisfaction of one small conversation allow you to take the plunge into misery. If this was someone who was able to make your happiness last, you would have heard from them earlier.
Are we going to talk about anything of substance?
So you want to text them that you miss them. What is the point? What is going to get resolved as a result of the conversation? Maybe you haven't talked to them in a couple of days and you want them to know that you are thinking of them. Trust me, it isn't necessary.
If they deserved to have someone thinking of them, they would be more appreciative and give that person the substance that they crave. Anyone who is only capable of having a few pointless conversations in the middle of the night is not worth thinking about. The good ones will be able to have a meaningful conversation, and I bet you it won't have to wait until nighttime.
Am I going to regret it in the morning?
When you look back and read the chain of messages, will you feel stupid for sending the first text? Will you read the conversation over and over, wondering, "Why did I do that? Why didn't I just let it go?"
Or, will the person say something hurtful or not reply at all, leaving you feeling even more stupid. In the morning, after you are well rested and thinking clearly, you will know if you really need to text that person, and they will text back. But most likely, if they are someone you subconsciously do not want to be talking to, or someone who doesn't deserve your time, you will have some form of regret for texting them in the middle of the night.
If it was the middle of the day, would I still want to text him or her?
During the day, we are preoccupied with a million different things. Our mind may be thinking about a certain person, but we are getting through our day just fine without them. We are at the gym, busy with work or texting friends to keep ourselves distracted. If you are not talking to someone during the day, it is probably because you should not be talking to them.
Any conversation that can be held at night, can also take place when the sun is up. The people who are worth having a conversation with will make it a point to talk to you at the same time everyone else in the world is able to talk to you. You will not have to wait until you are laying in bed with no distractions, to reach out to them. Try to think about whether this person is only someone you talk to when it's dark, before you go texting them in the middle of the night.
How has this person made me feel in the past?
Think about how long it has been since you had a real conversation with this person. Think about why time has passed by without talking to them. Maybe there is a reason you have not been reaching out to him or her, and you should not ignore that reason. Sometimes people push you away, making you feel insecure and lonely, and as a result you want to text them.
Sometimes you think that after time has passed, they have changed and this time will be different. But, people who belong in your past are there because they do not want to exist in your future. It is normal to want to talk to them or wonder what they are doing, especially at night when you are feeling vulnerable. But if they made you feel badly in the past, chances are they will do it again. Hearing from them will probably make you happy temporarily, but self-respect will make you feel a whole lot better in the long run.