An Open Letter To Those Experiencing A Broken Heart For The First Time

by Jenna M.

The two words I would use to describe a broken heart are “humiliation” and “disappointment.”

“Losing love is like a window in the heart; everybody sees you're blown apart.” – Paul Simon, "Graceland"

Relationships end for different reasons. Sometimes, the connection two people share just fades away. Other times, the drama and hurt become too much to bear.

Whether it’s your partner of many years or a union that never really even began, when persistence and effort no longer cut it, it’s time to say goodbye.

Remember, you are mourning not just the person, but also the loss of shared dreams and the shared acceptance of uncertainty. Even if you were ready to say goodbye, you must navigate the new uncharted, uncomfortable territory of mourning a lost love. It can feel scary, exciting and sad all at once.

People will try to offer you advice; sometimes it will be good and useful, and other times it will be bad.

Understand that these “helpers” are merely speaking from their own experiences and are earnestly trying to help you. Though, occasionally, it may feel like you’re under scrutiny as you simply try to heal in your own way.

Some people will tell you to “get out there and meet new people” and others will tell you “don’t date too soon; you’re not ready.”

Don’t let the contradictions overwhelm you. Instead, realize that these suggestions are evidence that we all nurse our wounds in different ways — ways that work for us individually.

Though, right now, you may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster, know that trying to numb the feelings rather than embrace them will only lead them to stick around longer.

Sure, it’s great to get out of your rut for a bit, but make time for the bad days, too. Give yourself a chance to understand your feelings through reflection.

You may feel hurt or maybe even guilty, but contacting your ex is not the solution, either. Remember, your emotions are a bit unpredictable right now; think about what you would tell a drunken friend wanting to call an ex.

You’d probably suggest the person put away the phone and call in the morning (to provide time to sober up and decide if calling is really what the friend wants to do). Avoid regret where it’s easy.

Possibly the most crucial part of moving forward is letting go of hope for a reunion or banking on the notion that it will somehow work again down the road.

As difficult as it may be to hear, the only way to move forward when you lose love is to embrace it.

He or she is not a part of your future anymore. You may be telling yourself that you could both change and that some day it may work, but the only person you can control is you. Be honest and good to yourself.

Regardless of whether or not it’s possible that it could happen, waiting for a reunion will bar you from moving forward. You'll be forever measuring the people you meet against the ones you are waiting to return.

Of course, no one will ever be able to replace another person; every romantic connection we experience is different. So, save yourself wasted time and move forth with an open mind.

Embrace the closure that you can only achieve from accepting a future that doesn’t include the person you once loved.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It