Ghosting is, sadly, a new and popular phenomenon when the person you've recently started "dating" suddenly cuts off all ties and just seems to disappear into thin air without a goodbye or explanation.
There have been numerous articles on this subject, and I have indulged in reading every single one I've come across. I find comfort in knowing others can relate.
But there's one difference between my story and the tales of all the others: I am the ghosted queen because I have been ghosted by each man I've ever tried dating.
Being a 22-year-old college girl who has never been in a relationship can be a label that's hard to accept. But what makes it worse is every man I've ever fallen for and tried having a relationship with has ghosted me.
With a track record like that, it's hard to believe there's nothing wrong with me because, let's face it, the common factor in each of these scenarios is, in fact, me.
I was 20 years old during the summer before my sophomore of college when I went on my very first date.
He was in the Navy and was stationed in the city. It's easy to say I fell hard for him. Every moment was perfect, each kiss led to fireworks and every glance left me with butterflies. I spent sleepless nights replaying our dates together because reality truly was better than my dreams.
Things began to change once I went back to school. We had been dating for almost three months, but had never discussed entering a relationship. I was scared to bring it up, but confident in us because I knew that was where we were headed.
We talked and texted all day every day, saw each other a few times a week and he even told his parents about me. He also wanted to meet my parents, but I was hesitant. This was all so new to me, and I was afraid of rushing things, ruining our perfect bubble.
He texted me that morning, like every morning for the past three months saying, "Good morning, gorgeous!"
I replied back expecting our daily conversation to start.
But it never did.
I texted him again later that day, but still no reply. I was starting to worry, but tried not to, because I knew him.
If he wasn't replying, it was always because something was going on, or he was stressed out and needed his space. But usually during these times he'd reassure me. He usually sent a text saying we were fine and whatever was bothering him had nothing to do with us.
A week went by and I never heard back. Heartbroken, I knew it was over.
But how could he do this? What happened?!
I called him one last time and left a voicemail asking him if it was over; I just wanted to be told. I just wanted a chance to say goodbye.
I never heard back.
A year and a half later, I was on winter break during my junior year. I was 21 and celebrating my roommate's birthday with a few of her friends. We were out on the dance floor, jumping away, not caring what anyone thought of us.
Then, this man caught my eye.
We locked eyes and were instantly drawn to each other. We awkwardly introduced ourselves, shouting over the music, and we were suddenly dancing and laughing the night away. At the end of the night, we exchanged numbers, and to my surprise, I heard from him the next day.
We texted daily, and seeing his name on my screen made my heart leap. We had a distance between us, but I had never felt such a connection, even through text. He came to visit me at school and began talking about a future together.
Again, I didn't press for a relationship title. I was still in school, and he lived in another state; I didn't want to pressure him. I was happy with the relationship we had.
After months of whatever this relationship was, nothing.
He was gone.
The worst part is, he knew I had been ghosted on before. I begged him if things between us weren't going to work out, to just tell me and not disappear. He promised he would never hurt me like the other guy had.
But he lied.
So here I am: 22 years old and sitting on the throne of those who have been ghosted. Ghosting is an experience that can be so heartbreaking to go through, and honestly doesn't get easier the next time it happens.
Eventually, you find someone who makes you forget the boy who ghosted; but in the meantime, it's difficult not to be hard on yourself.
From someone who's gone through this more times than stated above, don't give up. Don't think poorly of yourself because they made the mistake of ghosting you.
I've had my moments of weakness and allowed myself to feel worthless and used.
But not anymore.
I know I deserve a man who would never hurt me or use me like the men of my past have. We all deserve someone who will be kind and honest.
And in time, they'll find us and we'll be glad the ghosts are gone.