Here's How To Deal If You're Stuck In A Classic 'Aidan Or Big?' Situation

by Briana Luca
Warner Bros. Television

In life you are one of two choices: You're a Jackie or a Marilyn; a Britney or a Christina; a Selena or a Miley; a Barney or a Ted. The lists go on and on.

Picking between these personalities can tell a lot about what kind of person you are. If you're a Jackie, you're classic, put together and someone who never lets a hair out of place. A Marilyn is more of a carefree spirit who has fun and lets her hair down.

There is one either/or not mentioned above that tells a lot about not only who you are as a person, but also who you are in a relationship. It tells a lot about what kind of man you're attracted to, and how strong you can be when it comes to facing issues with your significant other.

I'm talking about the debate of the century, the end-all, be-all of relationship identifications. I'm talking about Aidan Shaw and Mr. Big.

Mr. Big is the first man Carrie Bradshaw comes into contact with during the first season of the hit HBO series, "Sex and the City." He is the only man who stays in her life throughout all six tumultuous seasons.

He is the one man for Carrie, and when you get involved with "the one," there are always bumpy roads ahead. That being said, it didn't come without complications, but what love story doesn't come with complications?

All consuming, "can't live without you" love brings the drama. But isn't the drama of love the very thing we chase? Dramatic love means it's worth it, and that's why we chase it.

Love shouldn't be easy, and that's the lesson Carrie taught us throughout the series. If she believed love should be simple, she would've given up on Big long before he could hurt her even more. Something always told her to keep going back.

Maybe it was the thrill of not being able to have something that was so close, yet so far. Maybe it was the fact that she really cared about him, and he challenged her to be something different than the person she always was. No one can explain why women like men who shut us out and keep us at arms length, but it's how some of us operate.

Men like Mr. Big like to keep their windows open. They may not answer you right away, they may tell you they aren't looking for anything serious, they may still be on dating apps after you've been seeing each other for six months. They want to love with you without the attachment. They keep you in their pocket until they are ready.

Haven't we all been there, in some shape or form? There's a man who is making himself unavailable to you, drawing you in and giving you just enough attention to make you crave more, yet commitment isn't in the cards for him. It's a terrible roller coaster ride to be on, but once you're on, you can't get off.

There's someone out there who you know isn't “good” for you, but you don't care because of how he makes you feel. You've never felt anything like it, and you don't think you'll ever feel anything like it again. And we chase it … just like Carrie chased Big. For her, however, it ended up in happily ever after.

Now, onto Aidan Shaw. He's the rugged, manly, grease-on-the-elbows furniture designer who sweeps Carrie off her feet with his charm and shaggy hair. He allows her all the way into his heart, is always there for her and does everything a boyfriend should. Essentially, Aidan Shaw is the perfect man.

He's there for Carrie when he needs her, he proposes to her and even takes her back after she cheats on him with Big. Aidan never lets Carrie down, but something keeps them apart. Carrie doesn't want that. She doesn't want someone to fawn all over her; she doesn't want to be suffocated.

Have you ever felt that way? That feeling when someone is breathing down your neck so intently you can't even think straight. They're there for you whenever you need them, but they are too available.

They think it's what you want, when it's actually the opposite. A little bit of a chase would be nice, and you start to push him away because you don't want the suffocation. And ultimately, you end up pushing him away completely because you can't take it any longer. You want someone to challenge you and make you think.

The Aidan types are too clingy. He's too available; he's not challenging. Where is the fun in that? Aidan is the man women should want, but much too often, Mr. Big is our drug of choice. Why is that?

Women constantly go after Mr. Big because they like the chase. They want to be the one to change him. They think they could make this unavailable, “not the commitment type” man fall in love.

Women should want to be with a man who treats her well, gives her everything she needs and is her equal counterpart. Women should want someone who lets them all the way in, not someone who shuts them out, right?

Of course. You should never endure anything you are not comfortable with. If you're a Carrie and can handle your Mr. Big, so be it. But if you want someone to drape all over you, if you want easy and right, go ahead and take your Aidan.

No one should tell you who you can and cannot love. There is no right answer, only a right person. You have the ability to choose that person. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

Love is a crazy, complicated scenario, no matter who you are in love with. Maybe you prefer the chase, maybe you just want something easy. Whatever your preference, there is no right or wrong. That is the beauty of love: you decide your fate.

In the end, we may never have an answer to why women love the Mr. Bigs of the world more than the perfect Aidan Shaws. What really matters is your happiness, and if your Mr. Big makes you happy, then so be it.