The Psychology Behind Why People Cheat And How It Differs By Gender
After many deep conversations, interviews and flat-out bitch sessions with cheaters, those whom were cheated upon and friends of both, I’ve come to the following general consensus regarding the subject of cheating.
Men generally cheat for physical reasons; whereas, women generally cheat for emotional reasons. Obviously, there are plenty of exceptions to this loose rule, but the pattern is that men tend to cheat repeatedly, but with no intentions of leaving their lifelong partners.
Women, on the other hand, often cheat and leave their partners for a new partner, since the cheating is emotionally intertwined. In this sense, men cheat for short-term thrills with little emotional involvement and women want the emotional relationship of an invested boyfriend, not necessarily a one-night stand.
Oftentimes, people are quick to denounce cheating as wrong and immoral and the cheater as someone who can no longer be trusted.
However, it’s not always that simple because not all cheaters are the same. Cheating is always symptomatic of a greater problem in an individual or a relationship as a whole. Before you cast absolute and final decisions, it’s best to assess whether or not a cheater in question can be reformed… or if you will just end up with a STD.
Below are profiles of stereotypical male and female cheaters.
Male Cheater Profile
1. Every hole is a goal.
This is the dude who can’t keep his penis in his pants and thinks it is part of his genetic makeup to spread his seed – wherever he sees soil. Think Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the likes of them. These men will bang anything that comes their way, from models to hookers and everyone in between.
Don’t think that the bed, ring or child you share will stop this man from cheating on you. It’s in his nature. He believes he is entitled to it and will never stop.
It’s not that he doesn’t necessarily love you; he very well may. However, it won’t stop him from getting “loving” from everyone else. The cause for this behavior is often a massive ego that constantly needs to be fed.
Another likely cause is that he is a disrespectful prick, so throw out his sh*t and change the locks because this one will deny his crimes and show no remorse.
2. It only happened once, allegedly.
This douche isn’t a serial cheater; he only did it once (he claims). It was a moment of weakness for some special attention (that he complains you never show him). He swears it will never happen again, he's showing deep remorse and he's miserable about the thought of you leaving him.
He confessed to this one-time crime, which at least shows that he has a conscience and is honest (or scared to lie to you). It’s very likely that under the right circumstances, he won’t do it again.
This type of cheating doesn’t have to be a deal breaker; the deal breaker is that your man is weak, lacks self-discipline, has poor decision-making abilities and low self-esteem. If you stay with him, make sure he works on these qualities and you should try to constantly make him feel good about himself.
Prove to him that he does deserve you. Have fun.
The other scenario is that you caught him in the act or found clues of his affair; he will confess because he has to. If he shows remorse, like the above scenario, it very well may be a one-time offense, but the question resides with you and whether or not you can still trust him. Can you trust him? Or, will this turn you into a full-time detective?
Try to understand the reasons why he did what he did, and if it’s completely inconsistent with his character and goes against all of his “morals,” then it’s likely that you could consider granting a second chance.
Female Cheater Profile
1. The “other boyfriend.”
If your girlfriend is in a relationship with another man (also known as having an affair that is not purely sexual), then she is probably over you, but too scared to be alone.
If you are away often and pay her no attention, it’s not really a formula for relationship success. Still, she’s the one who has chosen to take the morally low road and make use of your unavailability.
If she has a whole other relationship, it means your relationship is probably on thin ice in its own accord. If you want to be in a happy and healthy relationship, dump her and find someone who will be in one with you!
However, if you want an easy relationship that is self-sustaining, just turn a blind eye and give her ample warning before you get home.
2. Can’t stop slipping and falling on a penis.
Your girlfriend is a little bit too sexual, not just in the sheets and not just with you, either. She is addicted to attention from male admirers and your attention alone will never fulfill her — well, maybe it will for a while, but before long, she will be back to her old ways.
Obviously, she has a few issues and her self-worth depends on male validation. So, whether it’s flirting, a dance or a kiss, she will always cross the boundaries and never admit it.
If that spells “wifey” to you, then be my guest, but make sure you take a large dose of denial and a drink it down with a cup of “oblivious to the fact that everyone else knows.”
A partner who cheats is never innocent; however, all scenarios are different and we should always question our own behaviors in relationships, as well.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It