We’ve all experienced the relief and heartache of breaking up with someone, or being broken up with. There are a variety of breakup methods at our disposal, from technology-driven goodbyes to reviving the lost art of handwritten letters.
For many of us on the receiving end, we’re left laying on our bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering why our significant other chose to end it the way he did.
Why did he choose a letter, versus a face-to-face meeting?
Each breakup type provides insight into a person’s character and reasoning. So if your situation resembles one of the nine common breakup types, here are some thoughts and recommendations about how to deal:
1. The Magician
This breakup will leave you feeling like you’ve just experienced a Vegas disappearing act, as your former partner has vanished from your life.
It’s usually characterized by a single delivery of your belongings that may have been left at his place, followed by removing you on social media channels and blocking your phone number.
The breakup itself is telling of why this has happened. If it was an emotionally-driven fight the breakup initiator actively participated in, then the disappearance that followed usually means he still has feelings for you.
He must disengage completely in order to stand by his decision to part ways.
However, if he did not fuel the fires of the fight and then disappeared, this means he is concerned that you’re slightly crazy, has already moved on to another love interest or just doesn’t care enough to be bothered with the situation.
Either way, disappearing means nothing good, and is not likely to result in a reconciliation.
2. The Puppeteer
The conversation had during this type of breakup will leave you wondering whether or not you’re truly broken up. The breakup is usually surrounded by hopeful statements, which you’re likely to focus on more than the one sentence that really matters most.
This breakup means one of two things: He is either genuinely torn between his feelings, or he wants his freedom, but also wants you when it’s convenient.
The way to tell between these two is how the communication plays out afterward. If he goes weeks without making contact and then comes back around wanting or needing something, it’s likely he’s not one of the good guys.
Be careful, as the dangling by a string feeling can prevent you from moving on to other possibilities.
3. The Boomerang
This type of breakup is only seen as a breakup the first time or two, because like in the tale of the girl who cried wolf, your friends and family will stop believing in the permanence of the separation.
Instead, they will expect, like the times before, it’s only a matter of time before you return to the roller coaster of a relationship.
If your boyfriend does this, it usually means he has a temper, is impulsive and is charismatic. Little things will set him off and it will result in an impulsive decision to break up with you.
However, after the emotions settle and he experiences the loneliness from his empty bed, the charming man you once fell in love with comes back with apologies and well-prepared speeches that convince you to give him just one more chance.
The thing to note here is you’re the person in control of whether the breakups become the boomerang type.
You can’t control whether someone decides to break up with you, but you can control whether you go back to the relationship that obviously wasn’t working.
4. The Delegator
Being broken up with by someone other than the person you’re dating is one of the worst things ever, as it comes with both social humiliation and lack of closure.
If your partner sends a buddy to deliver the news, it means he’s a coward, disrespectful and not worthy of dissecting why he’s done such a thing.
If this happens, the best way to handle such a dilemma is to laugh, say okay and then, sleep with the friend who delivered the news.
5. The Psychologist
This is often the most difficult person to detach from, as he’s likely an intelligent master communicator who comes off as a genuinely caring man.
The reasons received during this type of breakup are usually centered around the “it isn’t you, it’s me” explanations. These statements are sometimes truthful and sometimes not, but the delivery method is telling.
If he’s respectful enough to have this conversation face-to-face and answer your questions, then it’s likely he’s a good guy who has realized he’s grown and changed, and the relationship is no longer a fit for him.
On the other hand, intelligent men who communicate well aren’t all great catches. Some are manipulative and use projection as a way to justify their decisions.
Trust your gut on this one. If it sounds like a bunch of sh*t, it probably is.
6. The Insinuator
This man is an avoider, but his cowardly actions can stem from a good place of not wanting to hurt you. During this time, he’ll hint through social posts, songs or jokes that he’s not happy, but he leaves it up to your intuitiveness as a woman to pick up on his messages.
It’s not your job as a woman to read into and prompt a conversation that your partner is too scared to initiate. However, if you start to notice such things, it’s best to talk to him about it.
If you’re in a relationship with the poorest kind of insinuator, his cowardly behavior will turn into cheating. And any good intentions not to hurt you become irrelevant.
Cheaters are just as bad as the men who enlist a courier. So if your breakup comes after infidelity, please respect yourself and walk away.
7. The Author
Believe it or not, a handwritten breakup letter usually signifies that your soon-to-be-ex is a decent person.
That’s not to say the method isn’t cowardly, but someone who took the time to hand write a thoughtful explanation is usually doing so because he's a poor verbal communicator, or because he knows he would be too weak to stick by the decision, should he be face-to-face with you.
Obviously, the content of said letter can contradict this belief. If he spends more time blaming you or screaming at you in all caps, he’s more likely to be a douche.
8. The Modern Telegraph
Being broken up with through a one-liner text signifies that your no-longer person does not want to waste any more time on the relationship. It’s the most instantaneous form of breakup.
There’s only one way to handle someone who breaks up with you via text: to use the same technology to send a message.
Imagine the mental turmoil your ex-lover would face if you immediately blocked his number and left him with no response. If he is not going to give you an explanation, he’s not deserving of a response.
The best response to a breakup text is no response at all.
9. The Best Of The Bad
This is the one we all deserve, yet rarely get. It takes a strong man to sit down face-to-face with a woman and tell her the truth, no matter how much pain that truth may bring.
Sometimes, the reason given during this kind of conversation is as simple as he fell out of love with you. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or care about you as a person. It just means the spark is gone, for whatever reason.
There’s no point trying to push him on a more definitive reason because he likely doesn’t know why his feelings changed, just that they did.
This is the kind of guy you might want to keep as a friend.
His honesty and caring nature can be hard to find, but it’s expected that some time apart (to move on) will likely be needed. While that may be hard for him to accept, if he’s a good guy, he’ll understand and give you the space needed to heal.
While each breakup is unique, they all communicate the same core message: I do not want to be with you anymore.
Regardless of the delivery type and the whys, there’s no point dwelling on the past for too long. Take your day, live in your thoughts of self-pity and get back out there.