8 Ways To Know You're Dating A Guy With Commitment Issues

by Eric Santos

Commitment can be a very scary thing for many young people, myself included. I am now at a stage in my life where I can be very committed, but I wasn't this way just a year or two ago. I was a young 20-something dude with issues.

I was a commitment-phobe who dated a lot of women with no intention of ever settling down. These commitment issues were not only exclusive to my love life, but also my professional life. Eventually, maturity and sorting out personal issues allowed me to get over my fear of commitment.

You can ask any woman who’s dated a guy with commitment issues; it can be a roller coaster, and that can be good or bad thing, depending on if you enjoy roller coasters.

A woman who is dating a guy with commitment issues is often left confused, wondering where she stands with him. However, if you're a woman not looking for something too serious, dating a guy with commitment issues can be exciting, as they tend to be fun and spontaneous.

Of course, women can have commitment issues, as well; I’m just speaking from my own personal experiences and a man’s point of view. Here are a couple of ways to know that you might be dating a guy with commitment issues:

1. He doesn't believe in titles

Guys with commitment issues date a lot but rarely get into relationships. I’ve only been in two committed relationships, but have dated a number of women. Anytime the women I dated talked about making us “official,” I told them I didn’t believe in titles and that being official was silly.

I did believe in titles; I was just too afraid to give us one.

2. He says all he is focused on right now is school or work

School and work are common excuses used by commitment-phobes to stay out of a serious relationship. While in college, I used the excuse, “I’m just focusing on school,” to not date anyone seriously.

After college, I used a similar excuse: “I’m just focused on being an entrepreneur.” Don’t get me wrong; mixing in a relationship while being focused on school or work can be difficult, especially if you’re trying to get a business off the ground. However, if a guy is willing to be committed, he will find a work-life balance.

3. You haven’t met his friends or family

Meeting a guy’s friends and family, specifically family, is a big step in the dating cycle. A guy with commitment issues may be reluctant to introduce you to his family, especially if he is a family man.

A guy won’t want to introduce a girl to his family until he is sure she will be in his life for a while. Guys with commitment issues hate thinking long term. Introducing a girl to their family scares the sh*t out of them, and makes them feel like things are getting too serious.

4. He only makes last-minute plans

I was once notorious for making last-minute plans when I was a commitmentphobe. I never made plans more than 24 hours ahead of time because too much could change during that time frame.

Anytime a girl tried to make plans with me a couple of days in advance, I would usually cop out with a response similar to, “Yeah, I’ll see what my schedule looks like.” Any guy with commitment issues hates to make plans ahead of time because the earlier plans are made, the more commitment is involved.

5. He doesn't spend the weekends with you

How a man spends his weekend is usually a good indicator of where his main interests lie. Many times, a guy with commitment issues will spend time with you during the week after he’s done with school or work, but will spend the weekends with friends, partying or going out of town.

Guys with commitment issues love traveling. For guys that work or go to school during the week and have weekends off, it can be too much to commit a weekend to one girl.

6. He is good with words but not actions

Guys who have commitment issues tend to be good speakers, but their words don’t always translate to actions. When I was dealing with commitment issues I was great at acquiring, but terrible at maintaining.

I was able to talk a good game, but I didn't always back it up. Not necessarily because I couldn't, but because I was afraid to. I said the things I said with good intentions; it was just that sometimes my commitment issues got in the way of me following through with my promises.

7. He lacks emotion

Men dealing with commitment issues tend withhold showing emotions or have trouble displaying their emotions. This can be for one of two reasons: He genuinely lacks emotion, or he is hiding emotions because he doesn't want things to get to serious.

Emotions are scary to a commitment-phobe because they are an indicator that all signs are pointing towards a serious relationship.

8. He talks to other women

Feeding off my first point, for the majority of the time, you'll be dating a guy with commitment issues; you won't be in a relationship with him.

Due to the fact that he’s not in a relationship, he feels it’s alright to talk to other women because he technically isn't “cheating.” He may not be physically involved with these women; he may just talk to them so he doesn't feel he’s being held down by one girl.

Many times, a guy with commitment issues will keep a bench (women to fall back on) due to the fact that he doesn't plan on dating one girl for too long.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It