In my former single days, an elegant older woman friend would remind me, “Let him find you.”
This puzzled me. At a time when our culture grooms women to achieve, taking a backseat in your love life can feel frustrating. You want to jump ahead and start putting some dates in the books!
I learned, however, in order for him to find you, you need to prepare yourself in other ways. You can harness that dynamic, go-getter energy to turn your rags into riches, metaphorically speaking.
As a professional matchmaker, I know what men look for and divulge these secrets to our Bachelorettes at Matchmakers In The City on a daily basis. With my insider's look into the male mind, below you'll find tips to help your Prince Charming recognize his Cinderella.
1. Go out.
Once a week, attend a non-work related event for fun.
Stay away from bars unless a friend or friend-of-a-friend has a birthday party there, which automatically raises the caliber of people you'll meet.
Reserve that evening for yourself, or invite a FEMALE friend. Avoid bringing a man anywhere unless it's a date; men are territorial and will refrain from approaching you regardless of what your guy friend looks like or how old he is.
I would recommend conserving your energy and limiting your nights out to 1-2 per week. If you go out more, you may feel drained, so balance nights out with time at home tending to your soul… and laundry.
2. Stay In.
On your nights in, read, clean your makeup brushes, write, do basic #LifeMaintenance.
Avoid over-booking yourself with too many friend dinners; I have yet to hear of a woman who met her future husband while she had dinner with her friend at SUR.
At events, galas and mixers, men will start to notice you and even ask you out in person. Volunteer events work wonderfully, too; you will meet others with caring hearts.
3. Take care of numero uno.
The first thing that tends to go out the window for a successful woman tends to do with her appearance.
With a busy work schedule, women have little time to spend on getting ready. Rather than worrying about how you look at all moments, however, reserve your ultimate primping for your one night out per week and any dates that you accept.
When men come into my office, they always say they want a woman who takes care of herself. This means a woman who works out regularly, knows how to do her makeup and wears clothing that looks classy yet appealing to the male eye.
These women are few and far between, and that's where my job comes in as a matchmaker, to find them!
4. Treat thy self.
Men appreciate a woman who eats healthfully, too. A few years ago, I discovered many of the basic foods we consume contain sugar -- even toast.
Sugar increases your appetite, making you feel hungry, even if you've had a full meal. Check the labels of foods to choose items with low levels -- ideally zero grams -- of sugar content.
As a sweet tooth myself, I also advise our Bachelorettes to reserve dessert for the weekends and to have fruit -- natural candy! -- as a substitute during the week.
In addition, avoid fried foods and preservatives. With this natural diet and exercise, you will look and feel lighter, healthier and ready to don that little black dress!
5. Primp like a prima.
As a ballerina in my high school days, I got a head start learning how to apply makeup, over and over and over.
However, many women have yet to delve into the art of makeup and feel scared to try. I commonly hear women say, “I want him to love me for me.”
I totally understand that, and I want you to refrain from placing too much emphasis on your looks, but remember, Prince Charming met Cinderella when she was all dolled up in her ball gown.
I repeat in Date Coaching sessions to our Bachelorettes that as physical and visual creatures, men appreciate when you do it up. They want a woman on their arm who takes pride in her appearance.
They may say they like the natural look, but studies have shown if presented with two faces, one of a made up face and the other without makeup, they prefer the face with makeup. Makeup enhances your natural qualities.
6. Be your own makeup artist and hair stylist.
To learn, I recommend making an investment at a place like Chroma in Beverly Hills that does a step-by-step makeup tutorial. We send our Bachelorettes there before their first date.
If $120 is out of your price range, you can experiment at the Nordstrom beauty department or Sephora to find colors and products that work for you. I prefer having our clients work with an expert, however; they're trained to recognize what colors will complement your skin tone and in general makeup artistry.
For hair, a good blowout goes a long way. Learn how to blow dry your hair well, and purchase a good hair wand (my sister just got me "Wave Maker" for Christmas) and straightener like the Chi.
I always have to straighten the front few pieces of my hair; I have a few curly baby hairs that look so much better with a little straightening.
7. Walk like a princess.
I tell our Bachelorettes to watch "Roman Holiday" (1953), and copy Audrey Hepburn's posture. Crown her your body language role model.
When they do, they tell me men literally stop them on the street to compliment them. The way you carry yourself shows you esteem yourself, and all men want a woman with an air of natural confidence.
Pretend there's a string coming out of the top of your head to the sky lifting you to ballerina alignment, chest bone prominent. When you enter a room with this powerful presence you make a statement, and with a serene smile, you light up the room.
As a personal matchmaker, of course, I recommend working with one who can help you with this process; every woman has different strengths and weaknesses.
Through practicing these tips, you will put yourself on men's radar and widen your pool of prospects. Soon enough, the right man will find you and want to swoop you out of the dating market to make you his girlfriend.
Of course, love involves much more than physical attributes, but you can only see a diamond's true sparkle after polishing it.