Most of us play mind games. Whether it be taking your time to perfectly craft a text message, playing hard-to-get or refraining from answering the phone right away, we all do it at the beginning stages of dating in an effort to play it cool. If you don’t partake in these mind games, then major props to you for not following the trail blazed by our generation’s cultural tendencies.
Some mind games like, taking a certain amount of time before texting back, are subtle and still preserve a level of communication. However, one in particular takes the cake and it's one in need of reconsidering: the three-day phone call rule.
This old-school rule has reigned supreme amongst our earlier generation of men and even despite the advent of texting, continues being practiced.
With digital means of communications and other social platforms being accessible to use after the first date, the inevitable phone call has to eventually take place and waiting it out can surely backfire on you.
As much as I understand the logic of not wanting to come across as “too eager” by calling the following day, in the long run, you’d be surprised to know a lot of women wouldn’t mind receiving a phone call from their date within the next 24 hours (especially if the date went well).
In fact, a 2013 survey conducted by Match.com reveals that an overwhelming 61 percent of women prefer to communicate over the phone after their first date.
If that’s not enough to entice you to call the following day, here are six reasons why you should reconsider the three-day rule:
1. The inevitable case of analysis by paralysis
Oh yes, this is the bane of most women’s existence. It’s bad enough we overanalyze text messages, but imagine an overly delayed phone call. Overanalyzing and wondering why he chooses to engage in a back-and-forth texting marathon over calling are common thoughts that’ll cross her mind.
Don’t contribute to her over-thinking; instead, alleviate her thoughts by picking up the phone and giving her a call. It doesn’t need to be a three-hour conversation; a brief positive exchange of words will suffice.
2. Too much distance sends the wrong message
Both of you had a good time, are mutually attracted to each other and have undeniable chemistry, so what’s the deal with waiting three days to call?
If a CEO of a company has enough time to make personal calls, then so do you.
All the distance you create will make her think you’re not interested in her or are seeking other lady friends. Instead of giving her the wrong impression, commit the unthinkable and call the next day. You just might be in for a surprise when she doesn’t shut you out.
3. You shouldn’t keep a lady waiting
It goes without saying that keeping someone waiting is a sh*tty thing to do. Nobody likes to be a victim of the three-day rule, which according to Urban Dictionary, is characterized as, “A rule used by douchebag guys who think that waiting three days after a date to call means that the girl will want them more, when really it just pisses them off.”
While douchebag may be a strong term to use for abiding by the three-day rule, it’s safe to say that our generation isn’t fond of the waiting game.
The exception to following this rule is, of course, whether your feelings about her or the way she feels about you are uncertain. Otherwise, it’s time to denounce the bro code and follow in Ted Mosby’s footsteps: call the next day.
Not only will it feel good to break the bro code, it’ll also be a confirmation on both ends that you’re interested in her and have enough balls to show it without resorting to a text message.
4. You can come across as passive
While some women don’t mind taking the first step and initiating engagement, others like assertive men who know what they want and aren’t afraid to break the ice and go for it.
If you don’t, you might just be perceived as someone who is laidback and has a laissez-faire approach to life. When we think passive, we think lazy, and nobody wants to be with a guy who isn’t assertive at the beginning stages of a relationship.
In fact,one of the fundamental things a woman wants is to feel overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered. If she doesn’t feel this way, then surely she won’t waste her time with someone who’s too afraid to pick up the phone and convey his interest. Go-getters always beat out the passive people.
5. It’s an outdated mind game
Here’s the cold hard truth: The cool, calm and collected approach of maintaining an air of mystery and suspense by not calling within three days is outdated and quite frankly, cowardly.
Although it may have been the dominating approach used in the 90s and early 2000s, it’s almost trivial to resort to the three-day rule in this digital age. After all, 75 percent of men get back to women after the first three dates, but do they get back to them via a phone call? Not so much.
They use alternative easier outlets, such as texting, instant messaging and email. However, easier isn’t always better. Through the act of carefully crafting a message, digital means of communication allows for a more calculated and filtered approach, which, in the long run, masks your true self at hand.
It’s understandable that playing it safe by waiting three days to call will prevent you from being labeled as “needy” or “clingy,” but think of it this way: If the feelings are mutual, then chances are, she’ll be more than happy to hear from you the next day.
6. You may lose your opportunity with her
With all the misconceptions she may have about you, she just might decide not to want to waste her time on you.
Dennis Miedema, a top dating coach for men who conducted research on sites like OKCupid and Ask Men forums, found that 79 percent of all women researched “won’t answer the phone anymore if a guy doesn’t call them within the first one to three days.”
Need more of a reason to call her sooner?
The study also finds, “Only 9 percent of all men researched say they had success after waiting three days or longer before calling women, and half of those successful guys needed to come up with a good excuse when they finally did make the call before the woman would even consider dating them."
Add in the possibility of her being approached by other men on a night out, and your chances of winning her over just got majorly slimmed down.
Don’t risk your chances of letting her get away. Give up the aloof advice that Hyde (as awesome as he is) from "That 70s Show" instilled in you. If you feel mutually strong vibes after the first date (or two), be the bigger person and give her a call.
As daunting as a phone call may seem, it’ll add that much more of a lasting impression and impact. After all, you’ll be presenting your true, unfiltered self and, truth be told, authenticity is pretty hard to come by in this day and age.
Photo via We Heart It