5 Reasons Why Constantly Looking For 'The One' Will Get You Nowhere

by Maya Bastian

We live in a culture where finding true love is as easy as logging in.

Dating sites work overtime to find us our perfect matches and all we have to do is swipe left. So, why is everyone I know single and searching?

I have friends who won’t go to a party unless there will be single people of their sexual preference there. Another friend of mine will come over to drink wine and be on Tinder the whole time.

Yes, I know people who have found love on dating sites, but the majority of my friends are continually looking — and spending all of their time doing it.

My theory is that dating nonstop or spending hours manifesting a plan to find your true love is a waste of time.

Here are five reasons why:

1. Like Attracts Like

Okay, I have no idea what quantum physics is all about, but I have a sneaking suspicion it’s the real deal. So, when quantum physics states that two similar things are bound to be attracted, you have no choice but to listen.

Endlessly looking for your life’s match means putting it out there, suggesting that’s what you are all about. Obviously, there's more to you than that.

Working hard to make yourself a super cool person with diverse interests means you will attract someone equally as desirable.

And, even if you don’t, you’ll end up being a pretty incredible person. Win-win.

2. Desperation Has A Certain Smell

A friend once said to me on the way out to a bar, “I’m looking to get married.” I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong attitude with which to head to a bar.

Even if you meet the "right" person at a bar, he or she may not want the pressure and heaviness of a "looking to get married" attitude.

Many relationships fail because of the expectations placed on one another. It’s great to know what you want, but maybe, allowing yourself to see where something goes before putting on the heavy will allow you to truly explore your options and find the right one.

Plus, nobody likes desperation and people can smell it coming a mile away.

3. Endless Dates Are A Waste of Time

In your search for “The One,” how many terrible dates have you gone on? How many times have you come home from a disastrous time-waster and wished you could’ve been curled up watching Netflix, instead?

I used to have a personal mission to kiss every date I went on, just to make sure there wasn’t some hidden chemistry.

But, then, I ended up realizing getting slobbered all over by a bunch of frogs wouldn't find me a prince, so I quit wasting my time.

There are a million things you could be doing to make yourself happy and potentially help you run into your dream person. When you do, the chemistry will just click and you'll feel that undeniable spark.

That's a date worth going on. And, just think about all the time you’ll have to focus on other things that will make you the self-empowered, successful individual you want to be.

4. Who Are You Really?

Are you the person you present on your social media profiles? The hot babe on Tinder? The super cool Twitter persona? Or, are you maybe all those things plus sensitive, sometimes weird and a little bit nerdy?

Do you want a person who loves you for who you are on Facebook or for who you are in life?

I love social media. It’s fun and useful and allows you to present many versions of yourself. But, my close circle of friends knows I am many things, and none of them are perfect.

I hope to find a partner one day who knows this. It’s tiring to be the person you think someone else wants you to be.

By committing yourself to the image you present on dating sites, you’re effectively searching for someone who wants the person he or she sees on your profile.

So, you can curate your life to the sexiest available bidder, or you can just go out there and live it, hoping to meet someone along the way who will love you for who you are.

5. Living In The Future Means You’re Ignoring The Now

Almost every article on achieving success in life instructs you to live in the moment.

Creating what you want to achieve in the future means understanding what you are living and doing right now. Spending all your energy thinking about what you could have or whom you might meet means you are ignoring the incredible things that exist all around you.

Or, quite possibly, the incredible people who exist all around you.

My best relationships were the ones with those whom I was friends with first. These are people who were right under my nose, and then one day, I actually noticed them.

Falling in love with your best friend is a feeling like no other. So, start cultivating the relationships you already have, enjoy each moment as it comes and just wait and see. Happiness and fulfillment already exist in your life; it’s just up to you to see it.

Falling in love will happen to you whether you try for it or not.

Usually, it takes us by surprise and happens when we least expect it or are busy focusing on other things. I’ve had many friends say they are worried they may never find someone or they might miss out meeting that perfect person if they don’t go to a certain party or spend endless hours online searching.

The truth is you could never miss out on meeting the person you’re supposed to meet. Someone great once said that luck is what happens when opportunity meets preparedness.

Creating the right moment for yourself is about enjoying your life as it comes and working hard to be the best you.

The rest will take care of itself.