One of the most interesting concepts, as far as sexual relationships go, is the concept of the rebound. A study conducted by researchers at the University of Missouri and published in Live Science, qualified what we have already known for quite some time: People like to have rebound sex.
“People really do use sex as a way to get over or get back at their ex-partner in the aftermath of a breakup,” said study researcher and psychologist Lynne Cooper.
Regardless of whether it’s a purely physical rebound or not, rebounds are both very much wanted and hated. People rarely want to keep a rebound around -- they’re expected to keep on bounding.
And no one wants to need a rebound, either. Even those who end up trying to make things work with a rebound find that the relationship is doomed to fail.
Rebounds seem like a good time, but they usually aren’t. Even those who are somewhat enjoyable would usually be better off avoided. Rebounds can, and often do, cause more harm than good to the recently heartbroken.
Although it may seem like a good idea at the time, sex could be the last thing that you need.
You have to keep in mind that good sex is hard enough to come by. Add the fact that you’re probably going to be thinking about the one you just broke up with during the act, and you’ll more than likely feel even worse.
It’s really a lose-lose situation if you think about it. You either don’t enjoy it at all, or you do enjoy it and then feel even worse for enjoying it. There are so many psychological factors at work as it is already, adding coitus with a stranger almost certainly will make things worse.
This goes for guys as well -- because I know a lot of the males reading this are thinking, “Screw that. I’d sleep with the next woman I’d see.”
And that’s just it… I know you would. Most guys would. And plenty of women would as well. The problem is that rebound hookups are not initiated out of something positive. You hook up with a rebound because you’re hurt and you want to channel that pain into sex.
You’re looking for a distraction and, depending on how things ended, maybe a little punishment.
You need time to breathe and get back into your own skin.
You just made a huge life decision, don’t you think you might want to let the dust settle first before you get back into the game? If you were really, even if only once upon a time, in love with the person you just separated from, your life direction has just drastically changed.
As a person, you've changed your course in life and are about to go on a novel journey -- a journey that will again change the person you now are. The last thing that you want to do is start a new journey with little to no direction, while being shrouded in a haze of emotions.
Take a minute to slow down and get a good look at your surroundings. Feel the ground under your feet and allow yourself to comprehend exactly where you got off that train.
You should take time to reflect on the relationship that just ended.
Human beings have this nasty habit of not wanting to be alone. I don’t know, and don’t believe that there's a person in the world who wants to be entirely alone all the time. And if there is such a person, I’d argue that having several voices in your head does not pass as being entirely alone.
We don’t want to be alone and, moreover, we fear ending up alone. There is little in life scarier than the thought that we will never again be loved by another individual the way that we want to be loved.
People who have experienced love at least once in their lives will be fiending for another fix until the day they die.
Unfortunately, being a part of a successful loving relationship is a lot more difficult and requires a lot more selflessness than people usually expect. Relationships don’t work out, but they don’t work out for a reason.
Dissect your relationship and make certain that you don’t repeat your mistakes.
You haven’t even packed your baggage yet -- you're still in the process of trying to cram everything in.
It’s no secret that we carry baggage from one relationship to the next. However, baggage is only baggage if it’s locked up and dragged behind us.
The reason that baggage doesn’t kill relationships from the get-go is because we don’t unleash all the sh*t we have stored away on our partner right from the start. We allow him or her to slowly figure out its contents and we do so in small batches so that we don’t scare him or her away.
If you don’t take the time to deal with your issues, then your dirty laundry is going to flow out like water out of a broken dam. Your partner will drown and you'll have managed to end another relationship.
Deal with your sh*t first. Then -- and only then -- should you allow another potential partner into your life.
You’re more than your relationship.
Why not spend some time focusing on the other aspects of you? The longer you're a part of a relationship and the more you love the person you're with, the more that relationship changes you.
Over time, a part of the person you loved has become a part of you. Now that you've separated, you’re going to have to let most, if not all, of that go.
You’re going to have to get adjusted to a whole new sort of reality -- a reality where you are no longer thinking for two, wanting for two, living for two. You'll need to reintroduce yourself to the part of you that isn’t a part of the "them" that you're used to -- and then build off it.
You have to start maybe not a new life, but a different one. You don’t need to jump into another relationship. You may want to do just that, but that isn’t what you need.
What you need is some time to devote your energy to yourself and to the other loved ones in your life. Work on strengthening those bonds before you go on to create new ones.
You don’t need another lover; you need to focus on all the good that already exists in your life.