5 Reasons Getting Under Someone Will Never Help You Get Over Your Ex

by Shelby Davidson

There was once a point (or two) in my life when I resorted to hooking up with people to get over other people.

Heartbreak can sometimes make us do desperate things....

I didn’t want to throw myself around like that. I’m the type of girl who enjoys relationships, consistency and being with one person at a time.

But, when you lose someone you care about, you lose a part of yourself, whether temporarily or not.

This guy who broke my heart made me empty promises that kept me optimistic.

He said he loved me, introduced me to his family and said I was unlike anyone he had met. But, words can only hold so much value when the actions don’t match up.

We started having problems because he had commitment issues. Emotionally, I couldn’t do it anymore.

I had the nerve to walk away from him, but with some repercussions: I resorted to a sex-binge to cure my sadness.

That’s like a recovering drug addict turning to alcohol for solace, or a long-time vegetarian trying meat again for the first time. And, nine times out of 10, the effects will be awful. Here's why:

Leading with the physical limits the mental

In the hook-up culture that is the 21st century, we get too caught up with sex and the sexual aspect of relationships.

We constantly wonder, "Is he or she using me? Does he or she think I’m good in bed? Will I get more attached if we do the deed?"

It’s ridiculous. Our first thoughts shouldn’t be about something so physical and insignificant, and if we meet someone new after a breakup, we definitely shouldn’t immediately think about leading him or her into the bedroom.

Delve into this person's mind, find his or her deepest secrets and learn about his or her family. Take the time to appreciate yourself and other people on a more substantial, rewarding level.

It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a broken bone

A temporary fix for a long-term issue is never a good idea. The first step is admitting that you are sad, emotional, broken, lonely, etc.

There’s nothing wrong with being sad unless you try to cover it up and give everyone the infamous Meredith Grey, “I’m fine” spiel.

You’re not fine. Sex won't fix your problems or make you feel any less lonely. Ultimately, waiting to recover correctly on your own will only help the process of getting over whomever broke your heart.

Don’t grab a replacement human for your void. Be independent and grow from it.

Emotionless sex will only make you feel worse

We date one person and commit to him or her, sexually and emotionally, to not engage with people of the opposite sex unless in a friendly manner.

Sharing that level of intimacy with someone else is distasteful and almost unimaginable.

Yet here we are, heartbroken and sad, and we latch on to the nearest mate in search of something to supply familiar feelings and reassurance.

You're giving yourself away to someone about whom you couldn't care less, and all the while, you think about the person who broke your heart.

This will leave you feeling worse than you did originally.

Sacrificing your self-worth for someone else isn’t acceptable

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned thus far from relationships is that you will attract a certain kind of person based on how others perceive you.

If you lack self-confidence, you’re uneasy and emotionally damaged, that’s the type of person who will try to be with you.

This won't work out — ever. Especially after heartbreak, you have to learn to love yourself again. Become independent, realize your strengths and appreciate your own worth.

Know that your ex didn’t break up with you because you weren’t good enough. The “love yourself or nobody else will” phrase really comes into play in this situation.

The only cure to heartbreak is time

Everything in life is about timing, and often, it seems that you are the worst in the world at it.

You met this person when you were too immature, you passed by this person when you had just gotten into a relationship, you just missed that bus to see this person… the list goes on.

Just remember that there is a reason behind all of this madness.

Timing is especially important after heartbreak. The quicker you try to rebound, the longer the recovery will be. Avoid the sex binges, the lust-crazy daydreams and the Tinder dates.

Take time for yourself and you’ll be amazed by who will walk into your life next.

So, what is the main lesson here, my friends?

You can’t get over someone by getting under someone else.