I get it: Your heart is feeling all kinds of achy-breaky already, and then you find out your ex is now dating someone else. The pain is unbearable, to the point where you cannot breathe and you'd do anything to make yourself feel better.
Suddenly, your mind is going haywire. You think back to how perfect you were together and get angry with yourself. If you had just been better, or hadn't fought with him so much, you'd still be together.
You were supposed to get married; you loved each other. It was perfect before you just got a little off track.
Now, you feel completely replaced. There's another girl doing the things you used to do with him; she's hanging out with his family and his friends.
With the aid of social media, you witness just how happy they look together. She seems better than you; she's certainly going to treat him better, and everyone will certainly like her better.
With all these difficult emotions, it's understandable that the past becomes a little bit blurry. All of a sudden, you can't remember why you ever thought it was a good idea to break up.
You made a huge mistake, and up until now, there was hope of getting back together. He moved on and you, well, you're still crying over his picture and writing open letters to him on the Internet.
I get it, completely; I've been there. The only reason I can explain this situation so well is because I've lived it. But, gosh, we need to stop this.
Why do you think your ex has a new girlfriend, and you're writing open letters to the girl who replaced you? Why has he moved on and you haven't?
It could be because you are not letting go, instead holding on to how great it was. I hate to break it to you, but if you broke up, the relationship probably was not all that great.
If he was going to change his mind about the relationship, he probably would have by now too. Also, why would you want to be in a relationship with a person who obviously was not right for you?
Maybe you had a beautiful, romantic trip to Mexico on which you were so in love. Maybe there was that time you spent Christmas with his family and it just felt so right.
But, if, ultimately, you did not end up together, you need to accept it. It seems he has accepted it and is well on his way. What's holding you back?
Well, for one, it could be these open letters you keep sending to him and his new girlfriend, confessing how you did everything wrong and he did everything right.
What is there to gain from telling the new girl that you want her to take care of him? Also, in every relationship, both parties are responsible for good and bad. It's never one-sided.
It's time for you to take that energy you are exerting on him and refocus it on your own wellbeing. So, instead of writing this excruciating, heart-breaking letter to him or his new girlfriend, here are some self-constructive things you can do to help yourself move on and meet new people.
I guarantee, the sooner you start focusing on the things you love in life, the sooner you will forget about the things (ahem, people) you used to love.
1. Okay, write him that letter, but don't send it. Write him five letters. Who cares? Just get it out and move on.
2. Go for a run.
3. Read a book about anything but love.
4. Spend time with your dog.
5. Start taking a dance class.
6. Get rid of all his stuff, including his old basketball hoodie you still wear to bed.
7. Trash the old pictures.
8. Go see a movie with a friend.
9. Take a college night class.
10. Make your own jewelry.
12. Go to the zoo.
13. Delete all your old Facebook pictures of you and him.
14. Take a bubble bath.
15. Organize your room.
16. Write a blog post about flowers.
17. Journal about all the great people still in your life.
18. Spend time with those people.
19. Watch a scary movie. (Okay, maybe not. That might give you a reason to stay up all night and think of him.)
20. Paint a picture; you don't have to be good at it.
21. Go to a museum.
22. Grab a coffee with a friend you haven't seen in a while.
23. Sign up for a half-marathon and start training.
24. Take a Zumba class.
25. Explore your spirituality.
28. Clean the bathroom.
29. Donate clothes you haven't worn in a while.
30. Write the book you've been thinking about for years.
31. Get on Pinterest and pick a DIY project.
32. Blast your favorite T-Swift song and dance in your underwear.
33. Visit your parents.
34. Plant flowers in your yard.
35. Think about where you see your life headed now that you are free to do whatever you want.
36. Write a list of positive things you love about yourself.
37. Mail a care package to your best friend.
38. Bake cookies.
39. Watch your favorite TV show.
40. Listen to a podcast and learn something.
These 40 options will make you a better, smarter, happier person, and none of them involving the ex that decided to seek out new people and new hobbies.
The point is, you don't need him in order to be happy. The fact that you are living and breathing is proof that it's impossible for you to be replaced.
The memories you two have together will always be there, but for now, you've both decided to go separate ways for whatever reason.
Take advantage of the chance to explore your own passions. That way, when a person comes along who is better for you, you can tell him about all of the awesome things you've done.
If nothing else, think about the fact that your ex-boyfriend didn't sit down behind his computer to write a sappy letter to you.
He was probably out at the movies with his new girl. This is not supposed to make you sad; it is supposed to guide you to see that you can be out having fun, too.
Let go, or be dragged.