I think society completely f*cked up our minds. Recently, I was with one of my friends and we were talking about our current relationships when she told me she was considering dumping her boyfriend because he was “too nice.”
I know that sounds clichéd, but how many times have I heard that? How many guys have been put in the friend zone because they were “too nice?"
You know what I thought but didn’t tell my friend? “What the f*ck is wrong with us?”
Still, I keep questioning myself and where my attraction originates. The answer must be that society has f*cked too much with our minds. We watch TV shows and we fall for the bad guys.
In every love triangle, we cheer for the bad guy to end up with the girl. And, if we have the choice in real life, we pick the bastard.
Maybe it’s because somewhere deep down, we think we can be change him. Well, let’s be honest: We would love to be the one to change him.
We expect thrills and passion. But, the reality isn’t as glamorous — trust me.
Only girls who have never been with a bad guy want to date one. And, I know better because I was with one for a year of my life.
Here's the truth:
1. You won’t change him.
Life is not a Jane Austen novel, and it certainly isn't a fairytale. This is reality, and in reality, you are unhappy and he doesn’t care.
He doesn’t care because you are simply not his priority and you probably never will be. You can’t blame him for putting himself first, but you need to know it and fully understand what it means.
There is this myth, which romantic comedies support, that makes us believe if we are the one for him, he will change for us.
He will become this awesome boyfriend, and we will end up living happily ever after. This is so far from the truth.
The truth is it has absolutely nothing to do with you; you simply cannot change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. Moreover, maybe the whole problem is you shouldn’t want to change the man you’re with.
2. You will never feel safe in this relationship.
He won't say the words you want to hear. He won’t reassure you and make you feel confident.
Sometimes, it feels like he wasn’t making the effort; he didn’t understand your need to be reassured. Other times, he may have been doing it on purpose.
Maybe this was his way of keeping his girl under his control and keeping her wondering in a twisted way.
Now, I believe you should not feel too comfortable in a relationship; you should feel challenged, and I think feeling a bit nervous when you see your boyfriend is a good thing.
But, you shouldn’t question his feelings all the time. You shouldn’t spend nights asking yourself if you are alone in this relationship and if you are wasting your time.
3. He won’t make you happy.
Of course, there are happy moments; otherwise, there would be no reason for you to stay. Sometimes, you may even think your friends are wrong for labeling him “a bad guy.”
You appreciate the little things he does, but not for the right reasons. You start to appreciate these things because they are the only things he does — like that one time he texted you first to find out how your day was, or that night he asked you to come with him to a party.
He doesn’t do it often, so you appreciate it even more. You know it’s not natural for him, so you feel flattered he does it for you.
But, this is not the way it should be and you know it. You are not completely blind about this relationship and you know you should not have to hold on to one nice thing he does for weeks.
Obviously, you are fully aware of the fact that there is something wrong with this relationship, and because you can feel it in your bones, you cannot be happy.
4. There will come a time when you won’t be able to talk about your relationship with your friends anymore.
That's a major thing friends do: gossip about their relationships -- a lot.
We always ask for our friends’ opinions, be it about a fight we had with our boyfriend or the deciphering of a text he sent.
When your boyfriend happens to be a “bad guy,” this will happen even more. When the man you are dating is an assh*le, you'll seek comfort in your friends, and ask for their advice on what to do.
They will give you advice; they'll tell you to ditch him.
And, you won’t do it. They will still be there for you, but after a while — after they've told you to leave him a thousand times — they just won’t know what to say anymore and start to feel bored about the subject.
You will feel this energy from them, and you will slowly speak less and less about him.
But, he’s still an assh*le, so you still need to talk about it. You just don’t have anyone with whom to talk any longer.
There are many reasons why a man may act like an assh*le, and many don't necessarily mean he doesn’t love you.
Maybe he just doesn't love you enough to carry on. Maybe it’s not worth it to try.
That is entirely up to you to decide. But, if you decide it’s not enough for you, just know it wasn’t a complete waste of time.
If you are able to find the good in the bad, it will only make you stronger. Once you realize your relationship is unhealthy and how far it is from what you want, you won’t let anyone treat you less than what you now know you deserve.
Let it be a reminder of what you won’t accept anymore.