20 Thoughts Every Guy Has Through The Agony Of A Bad First Date

by Joshua Fechter

There's nothing worse than being on a date you're hoping will end as soon as possible. Many of us have been there, and the pain can be almost unbearable. And, in today's world, you never know what you're going to get.

A little mystery never hurts, right? Wrong. With photo editing and social media, people can be whoever they want, but that's just online. Problem is, though, many of us meet our dates through apps and make assumptions based on browsing through their online profiles.

It should be no surprise then, that the person we think we're going out with and who we actually go out with can be complete opposites.

Online, she can beautiful, intelligent and basically the whole package. When it comes to in person, she can be a serial killer, a foot shorter or taller, have the vocabulary of 6-year-old or not even be the gender you're chasing.

The dating world is so far from what it used to be because social media plays a huge part in attracting people. It's a shame; we miss out on great opportunities by passing quick judgments on people before we meet them in person.

But, in some ways, the dating culture hasn't changed; most men still get nervous before they go out with a girl, and they still want to establish a great connection.

It's too bad social media has given us the wrong expectations on what our date is like. It's not just us, though; women experience the same thing. People are different in person than they are online, and as a result, there are bad dates.

Because our expectations are taking a nose dive, the days of putting in significant effort for planning the location, how we dress and what we say are over. This feedback loop is creating dates that are not just bad, but horrible enough to leave within the first five minutes.

As a tribute to modern society's dating atmosphere, here are 20 things every man thinks about on a horrible date:

1. I hope she doesn't order something expensive.

Nobody wants to pay extra cash for a date you knew was going nowhere within in the first couple minutes.

2. I don't eat salad, but this date is not worth anything over $10.

Resorting to eating salad to save money is a sign the date has become a disaster.

3. Was that her better-looking sister on Facebook?

You think you checked out the wrong Facebook because she looks nothing like her pictures.

4. Should I leave when she goes to the bathroom?

It's that bad. If it means saving you from hours of agony, it's worth it.

5. Why does she keep bringing up her ex?

Nobody likes to feel like rebound material.

6. How many drinks do I need before this date gets better?


7. She's been on her phone for half our date...

Great, dealing with someone who lives her life on social media or through texting is about as boring as it gets.

8. No wonder people go out for coffee dates...

Coffee dates are cheaper, and you don't have to stay through a full meal.

9. She's already 10 minutes late...

Dates are like interviews. If you're not 10 minutes early, you're late.

10. Why won't she let me talk?

Stopped paying attention about a half hour ago.

11. So, she spends all her time on Netflix?

When the only thing you talk about is movies, it's a sign you need to get a life or at least out of your house.

12. So, all she does is go to bars and clubs...

She doesn't read or do many intellectual things, but if there's a DJ, she'll jump head-over-heels to see him.

13. Her Tinder photos were probably professionally edited.

It's Tinder -- what more can you expect?

14. She's never had a job...

That's why she wants you to pay for dinner... and the next date.

15. So, her parents pay for everything...

The only responsibility she's had is looking after her chihuahua.

16. Uh oh, she's a religious freak.

It's like answering the door to Mormons except you have dinner with them, too.

17. Is she seriously taking pictures of her food...

She loves Instagram so much, she went on a date so she could take another picture.

18. Does she always eat with her mouth open?

It's a scary scene when food flies at you from her mouth.

19. She's been in the bathroom for at least 10 minutes.

Probably talking to friends on the phone or redoing her makeup. In the meantime, you finished your meal, and hers is now cold.

20. If she volunteers to pay, I won't object.

When she picks something expensive from the menu just to take a picture of it, there's no way you're paying.