Role Reversal: 15 Reasons Why Girls Should Be Big Spoon
While cuddling was scientifically celebrated in 2014, 2015 poses the next bedroom-related question: What kind of cuddling is most satisfying?
Spooning is probably the first warm and fuzzy position that comes to mind, but let's not stop there. You're probably picturing a "him as big spoon, her as little spoon" kind of formation, right?
Well, in the world of spooning, the playing field generally isn't equal. For the sake of an equitable relationship and a good night's sleep, I present 15 reasons why she should be the big spoon tonight:
1. Kinked necks are the actual worst.
Your arm gives the nape of her neck some hugging material that initially feels like a firm pillow. However, 30 minutes in, she's restless and that neck-to-arm hug now feels more like a muscle spasm.
She doesn't want to readjust because you're likely to abandon your oh-so-cuddly position in fear that she's completely uncomfortable, which she's not… just a little bit.
So, she'll eventually make herself fall asleep in a posture that guarantees a morning migraine. Let her wrestle with the limited avenues of arm-settling as big spoon instead of buying her another bottle of ibuprofen.
2. It's a needle-phase-free position.
As mentioned above, neck pain is a serious consequence of any spoon sesh, but so is a numb arm.
You may be worried that reversing the order will mean that you're just compromising a limp hand for a cramped neck, but fear not; she certainly won't be sliding her arm under your neck tonight.
Why? Because she won't have to. Instead, she'll fold her arm snugly between your warm bodies.
Because you have big, man muscles, maybe this folding technique isn't typically an option for you as big spoon, and you wake up only to shake and stir the imaginary needles from your arm from which her neck cut circulation hours ago.
3. She doesn't want to sit on your flaccid penis.
You've probably heard the news from the University of Toronto researchers. Back in August, they confirmed post-coital cuddling as a hot trend in sexually satisfied couples.
And, although we can't — and certainly won't — complain about the scientific affirmation of after-sex affection, there is something unpleasant about situating herself on your exhausted member and perhaps even in the cold, wet aftermath of your couple's cardio.
4. She doesn't want to sit on your boner either.
Contrary to my point above, if pre-sex cuddling is in order, poking her in the back with your boner will definitely get her attention.
She'll roll over toward you, but not necessarily because she wants to and probably not because your tag-you're-it move turned her on.
She's turning around because she has to, as that is an uncomfortable and fairly annoying position to put her in. So, don't. Just don't.
5. Girls fart, too.
And, thanks to sexism and stereotypes, it's more appropriate if you sleepily let one rip on her in the middle of the night.
(However, all bets are off if you've eaten Taco Bell in the last 24 hours.)
6. Aunt Flo's arrival time is TBA.
She'd much rather sacrifice an extra laundry day for messy sheets than try to clean your lap without waking you and explaining what all this "red stuff" is. The horror, the horror.
7. Your slumber soundtrack sounds better this way.
Better, as in quieter. Your little spoon sleep talk and snores project through her bedroom instead of her ear canal.
8. Your hands are the worst kinds of underwire.
No one likes sleeping in a bra, and your hands suction-cupping her boobs feels just as restrictive, maybe even worse.
The difference between your hands and her underwire is that she can freely toss and turn about in Victoria's Secret.
So, it not only feels like you're a makeshift bra, but she also has to be cautious to not break your fingers in her sleep. God forbid she has a nightmare.
9. Who actually wants to sleep in a pillow of hair?
And, don't ask her to sleep in a ponytail. That's just plain cruel when you can simply swap sides for the night.
10. She won't be able to keep her hands off you.
Seriously, where else will she comfortably put her hands other than your body?
11. She'll be in control for once, which you know is sexy.
Point four, confirmed. There are many ways for her to initiate sex from behind, none of which are an option when she's little spoon with an arched back from your evident excitement.
Examples include but are not limited to gentle kisses on your back and shoulders, hand-job action, back massages, more hand jobbing, neck kissing,
Examples include but are not limited to gentle kisses on your back and shoulders, hand-job action, back massages, more hand jobbing, neck kissing, hand jobs, etc.
12. This arrangement is far superior in sexual-spooning sensitivity.
Again, referring to number four on my list, sex benefits are very real with your girl as big spoon.
You may think it's emasculating to get turned on from a woman positioned behind-the-scenes, but guys actually have a ton of nerve endings in their tailbones.
This means you'll be just as sexually sensitive as you feel when you're big spoon and, this time, her tailbone is free from the penis-poking, little-spoon prison.
13. You smell good.
And, the pit-to-nose ratio with her in the back provides aromatherapy like no Bath & Body Works candle could.
14. You're letting her know you need her without saying a word.
And that's all she wants, really.
15. Holding someone feels equally as good as being held.
Gender equality is trendier than ever. Yep, I went there. But really, it's all in the numbers.
According to an Indiana University study, psychologists from The Kinsey Institute found that while sex was on the top of women's lists, cuddling was the ticket to happiness for the majority of 1,009 men.
So, if you don't want to admit to her how amazeballs little spoon sounds, just blame it on science and consider it bedroom experimentation. Oh-la-la, she'll say.
Although I consider this article to be a personal testimony to the wonders of role reversed spooning, I must also acknowledge the castrating consequence on men and de-feminizing effect on women this position most definitely implies. So, I'll leave it to the experts.
Dr. Dani Yaniv, a psychodramatist, psychotherapist and psychologist, recently published, "Dynamics of Creativity and Empathy in Role Reversal."
In his research, he concludes that role reversal benefits any relationship in terms of having fun together and understanding one another.
Creativity comes from trying new things — like reverse spooning — and forms a bond enhanced by trial, error and success.
Like every sexpert encourages, experimentation is powerful in keeping the bedroom fun and fresh by discovering new activities and positions we like and dislike.
Additionally, empathy is a value of all relationships, romantic or not, and is founded in role reversal. We must think and feel for another in any attempt to understand someone else. So, she must consider that
So, she must consider that he may want or need pleasures that he regularly provides, like being held. Meanwhile, he must also acknowledge that there are very real discomforts for her in some routines, like being little spoon.
I can't say role-reversed spooning is for all couples, but there are some serious advantages to at least trying it. Add it to your bedroom bucket list, summon it as a last resort when neither of you can get comfy or gift it as a one-time Valentine's Day pass.
Just don't knock it before you try it, kids.