Women define things. It's what we do. We like labels, names and definitions. We like to have a clear understanding of what box it is we're checking off. Sex. Check. Boyfriend. Check. Casual hookup. Check. Celibacy. Check.
One of the boxes we perpetually find ourselves in, however, doesn't make the list. Instead, it sits between the casual box and the boyfriend box, occupying grey matter of unclaimed space that's making us all, well, uncomfortable.
We know what a relationship is. We know what the casual hookup is. Let's make one thing clear, however. The casual hookup is not the same as "friends with benefits." FWB does not exist.
It's a myth created by horny Hollywood executives who needed a reason to cast Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman in opposing movies about sex to see if they were ready for "Black Swan."
To be completely honest, the casual hookup is just a polite way of saying "two people currently on Tinder." It's sex and social media. It's booty calls and drunk hookups (that doesn't necessarily mean just weekends).
It's a known space, an understood agreement, a commonplace feature of the hook-up culture. So what happens when you're in a "casual hookup," but it feels like more? What happens when it's not quite casual, but not quite dating?
What happens when you're hooking up sober, talking about feelings, staying over for three days straight, but are definitely not boyfriend and girlfriend? Unfortunately, you've entered the daunting limbo of the intimate hookup.
The suspended middle ground between relationship and casual hookup -- it’s not a stage that can last. Whether you've been hanging out with your intimate hookup for two months or two years, it's eventually going to force itself one of two ways.
It's going to try and fit into one of the two boxes -- a relationship or a more casual thing.
The main difference between the intimate hookup and the casual one is that the intimate hookup has "talks" and one of these talks always comes at the end, when it's time to decide which box you're going to mark.
So if you're still unclear what kind of sexual escapade you're running, here's exactly what differentiates the intimate hookup from the casual one. And good luck.
Casual hookups you don't give a f*ck, intimate hookups you have to pretend like you don't
Because it's still in the hook-up phase, you can't get jealous. The difference, however, is that you will get jealous and that's the sign it ain't so casual anymore.
Casual hookups never meet your friends, intimate hookups are your friends
Unlike the casual hookup, the intimate one actually means liking the person you're sleeping with. The friendship doesn't stop even if the sex does.
Casual hookups only want to get inside, intimate hookups want to take a look around
In the intimate hookup, you actually know what color each other's bedroom walls are.
Casual hookups don't talk about their families, intimate hookups are just waiting for you to meet theirs
You may never meet the parents in the intimate hookup, but it's something that does cross your mind.
Casual hookups meet up after diner, intimate hookups go out to dinner
Just because you're not in relationship yet doesn't mean you don't go out to dinner. It may not be a traditional date, but it's shared food.
Casual hookups are traumatic, intimate hookups don't talk about traumatic things
Intimate hookups talk a lot about family, friends, jobs, life. They don't talk, however, about that deep stuff only a true boyfriend/girlfriend could handle.
Casual hookups don't have the time to fight, intimate hookups work through the bickering
You know each other well enough and long enough to have things you'll eventually fight over. They may not be fights over moving in or getting a dog, but there's most definitely opinions shared.
Casual hookups will send come over texts, intimate hookups will send good morning texts
They will send morning texts that are in the double digits. You know, like 10 or 11 am instead of 2 am.
Casual hookups are a f*ck and chuck, intimate hookups spend three days in your apartment
Even if it's not a relationship, there are still times when you'll play house.
Casual hookups just want you to leave, intimate hookups give you their HBO GO password
You're connected, you share things, you know what they're watching when they're not in your apartment.
Casual hookups are good for make-up sex, Intimate hookups have seen you without makeup
You're not always leaving in the morning before he can see what you really look like.
Casual hookups don't know each other's birthdays, intimate hookups go to the parties
You're not chained to the bed. You guys will go out together, share experiences and not feel weird celebrating a birthday.
Casual hookups are drunk make outs, intimate hookups are sober makeups
You will fight in the intimate hook-up stage. You will also do it sober.
Casual hookups are trips between the subway, intimate hookups are weekend trips
It's not a week vacation with flights and all-inclusive incentives. But it's a trip to the nearby beach or maybe a night in the mountains.
Casual hookups just end, intimate hookups require an explanation
The "no response" response isn't an appropriate ending to your hookup. You owe them an explanation -- even if it is over text.