11 Painful Steps You Can't Skip If You Want To Move On From Your Breakup
Some may say true love is absolute bliss, and some say it's downright ludicrous. But there are more than a few who'll agree that true love can hurt, and sometimes you have to let it go.
But how do you let go of something you love so much? It's easy for people to say, "Move on, honey." But they don't know what it's like to move on from something that once meant the whole world to you.
Love isn't lost only when you're a teenager, or when you're in college and have to go your own way. Love is also lost when you have known them your whole life, and then you realize this isn't what you want.
Love is an ageless feeling that has stumped the hearts of all ages, and heartbreak is not different.
People have different coping mechanisms. Some people eat chocolates, curse Noah and Allie for the true love crap, indulge in new activities, travel, meet new people, hook up with random people or just cry. I personally prefer the chocolates, Noah, activities and crying. But that's just me.
The choices and decisions you need to make/you will face over the course of getting over someone are difficult. You'll be tempted to go back to them and think about how much you want to jump in the bed with the next person you see in order to forget about them. However, there are a few things you should know about getting over someone.
The first thing you need to know is you are amazing and beautiful, inside and out. No relationship or breakup will obliterate that. No one can love you as much as you can love yourself.
Here are 11 things you need to know about the post-breakup process:
1. The Emotional Rollercoaster
You are going to cry ... a lot. Day, night, at work, at the clinic, at the grocery store. Everything is going to remind you of them. And you will cry about everything. Everything will "fall apart." You'll want to message them every day, and then wish your phone could devise a prickling sensation every time you would want to message them. Imagine how great would that be ... But sadly, that doesn't exist.
So, you'll have to control yourself because you won't sleep, you won't eat, you will cry and cry and cry until you forget how to smile completely. That's a good thing. It's like a reboot. Because once you stop, you get back up, start from the beginning and do it all over again.
Getting over someone is not going to happen overnight. It will take a long time, say weeks, months and sometimes, years. You'll be doing OK at first, but when you see them again, talk to them again, laugh together again, you'll start to miss them.
Even their close proximity will make your heart race and your body sweat. You'll stutter and get nervous. But it will pass with time. Seeing their name will be a uniquely painful torture. But you have to understand, there are seven billion people in the world and counting, and every hundredth person will have the same name. But with time, you'll get used to it. Like I said, just give it time.
You will resort to staring at pictures of you two baking, kissing, having a picnic in the park or just being goofy. And it's going to make you cry. But you have to know that these pictures are a part of the beautiful memories you shared with them. Delete them, not only because they will hurt you now, but also because the first step of letting go is deleting the evidence of your love, i.e. the photographs.
I know it seems barbaric, but trust me. Deleting those pictures will be like deleting memories. And sometimes we turn those memories into fantasies, and that's very harmful for our feelings and emotions. So, the best solution is to get rid of the pictures. It will be difficult, so you will have to do one at a time each day.
4. The Lobster Turmoil
There will be a time, every day, when you will ask yourself if he/she is your lobster, aka the Ross to your Rachel. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. But you can't wait and cry about it. Rachel was Ross's lobster, and they did fall apart. But hey, she got off the plane!
I'm not saying you will get back together, but I'm also not saying you won't. One thing I've learned from my experience is to live in the present, let go of your past and await your future. Don't think about what will happen, because sometimes, you make certain decisions based on the future when you don't even know what the future has in store for you.
Don't hope every day that you will get back together. It's easier to let go of the past and start a fresh chapter, and then maybe have an old character re-enter. But don't keep thinking about them in your future because as much as it hurts, it might not happen.
5. First Encounter
Remember the first time you met? The weather, the time of the day, the song in the background, the beautiful dress you wore, the first time you saw them and kept staring, not knowing that you would end up here, crying.
Remembering the beginning will hurt you, but it will pass. You will want to walk by the place you met for the first time and never look back. But one day, you will go back, sit in the same seat, listen to the same song, drink the same beer and smile at the sweet memory you know you will never forget. But it will get better. That's guaranteed.
6. First Date
Your first date with them was what made you fall for them. But you have got to understand, first dates are always like that. You just have to hang in there, go out and have a date. No one is going to judge you or ask you to marry them. No. All you have to do is go out on a date, and you will get that feeling back again.
7. The List
Once you start putting yourself out there, you will notice how many people really want to be with you because of who you are. But you will be wanting the one guy you lost because, well, that's human nature.
So, all you're going to do is compare the next ones to them. Everything from their laugh, smile, sense of humor and height even to their beard or the way they pronounce your name. Everything. It's very normal. But you should know that one day, you will find someone who will be beyond comparison.
8. The Next First Kiss
The first kiss with someone is always different and more special than the kisses following it. It's like an insight on how your relationship is going to be. But the first kiss after you lose your best kiss is like an obligation to know you're ready to be with someone else. But take your time. Don't rush into it. You don't want to hurt yourself or do something you don't want to.
9. The Sweet Nothings
Nothing felt better than when they called you baby or sweetheart, and you felt like the most important person in their life. You will miss that feeling the most, more than the "I love yous." But know there is someone out there who will want to make you feel that way again. And they will. You just need to let it happen.
10. The Final Goodbye
The final goodbye isn't when you break up. The final goodbye is when both of you move on completely. They're not going to stay at home and not meet anyone new. And they may fall in love, they may upload a picture with their new partner and it won't be easy for you.
But knowing they're happy is the best way to move on. And someday, you'll be in love again, too. Maybe you already are. The day you will stop crying about it, that will be the final goodbye. That is your closure.
11. The Future
Seeing the one you love move on is unbelievably painful, and everyone tells you it's going to be OK. And you know what? It will be. But you're not OK right now.
Right this second, all you want is them in your arms. It's not about the future because your future is fine. You're with someone you love and who loves you. You're going to build a family with that special someone. And one day you're going to have a glass of wine and thank God for today. Because if it weren't for today, you wouldn't be smiling widely and enjoying life as we know it, sipping wine and watching your children playing and while your spouse tells you he loves you.
Remember, love is tricky and confusing, but it's amazing and beautiful. Don't let one bad experience keep you from adoring a beautiful emotion.