Sex is the new handshake. We’re thinking about it and having it as frequently as we shake hands during one of those job fairs or during my favorite time of the day, happy hour.
Since moving to Los Angeles, what’s become apparent to me is that there are different types of sex, and below are the lessons I've learned about each type:
Masturbating and secretly watching porn hasn’t adequately prepared you, but you’re sure going to act like it. Losing your v-card is a defining moment in your life.
Make sure this is someone you care for, or risk having regrets about how naive you were later on in life.
Save your excuses! Missy Elliott once said, no one wants a “One Minute Man.” There is nothing more embarrassing than getting off within 10 strokes.
Don’t be lazy; pace yourself.
If you’re able to last and put it down, you’ll be the hot topic among your partner’s inner circle, which might even lead to a new hookup.
What do apps like Tinder, Grindr, Twitter and Instagram all have in common? They make hooking up easy. You’re perhaps 140 characters away from your hottest bang.
However, when the foundation of your relationship is purely sex, it won’t usually lead to anything romantically stable, so don’t get your hopes up.
This is that “WTF was I thinking?” moment when you’d rather die than have people find out about your lapse in judgment. Seconds after you've finished doing the deed, or even during, you realize you’re thrusting into someone significantly less attractive than your “high” standards would allow.
Hell, you’re even afraid that direct eye contact in public might blow your cover, so greetings are prohibited. However, despite kicking yourself, you may actually be okay with continuing this kind of escapade as long as it’s kept between you and your co-conspirator.
Dates are not cheap, so spending money on dinner is an investment on turning the thought of bringing your date home into a reality. If you’re not fooling around by your second date (okay, third), then you might have a problem.
Foolish and broke is the man who spends money and is placed in the friend zone; smart and wealthy is the man who earns his ROI.
Insert that exceptionally attractive coworker’s name here. You've been waiting for this moment, and you thought it would never happen, but it did and DAMN it was amazing!
You've earned that extra pep in your step, and you’re glowing the next few days as if you just won the lotto because, my friend, you just did! Don’t forget to count your blessings.
With a regular, reliable hookup, you not only know what you're getting, you also generally know what you're NOT going to get -- like a burning sensation when you pee two days later.
But the tricky part about NSA is that someone usually ends up developing feelings. You’re forced to either end things or entertain the thought of going beyond being friends with benefits, so choose wisely.
"OMFG, This Is Boring!" Sex
You might as well roll over and die. You've been with the same person for a while now and he or she no longer sexually excites you.
You only do it because this person provides something other than sex in your life (stability perhaps).
Faking becomes routine and fantasizing about other people is religion. You’re physically there, but mentally, you're 10 miles away. Closing your eyes is your savior, and cheating occurs at some point on this level.
"You Want to Try What?!" Sex
Leave the stunts to the paid professionals; there’s a difference between what you see in pornography and real life.
That reverse piledriver around-the-world Superman position sure looked great when you saw James Deen do it, but what amateur wants to end up spending the night in the emergency room?
That said, being open to things you thought you would never do might not only save your relationship, but also surprise you. How far are you willing to go?
This level is all about exploring and testing your limits.
If you’re lucky, you’ll experience this kind of sex once or twice in your life. It’s not sex and it’s not making love, either; it’s that rare combination of both, where you are 100 percent committed to giving your mind, body and soul to your partner.
It’s the kind of sex Beyoncé sings about in “Dance for You.” You submit, you control, you give, you take, you’re dominating and you’re vulnerable.
You know those songs about making love all night long or going from midnight to dawn? Yeah you do. This is that level. Heck, you were probably conceived at this level. It’s pure, it’s raw and it’s simply magical.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It