Ahh, you suave, romantic men, you. You’ve met the woman of your dreams, you’ve fallen head-over-heels in love, and now, you’re keen to make the bold step and ask her to move in with you.
It’s a beautiful moment that will inevitably lead to many a romantic evening spent in each other's company, sharing endless bottles of wine and, most importantly, being treated to sex on tap.
The beautiful image of living with your lady is a wonderful first step on your journey to happiness.
But, are you prepared for the bachelor pad of your dreams to be interrupted by the love of your life’s ladylike ways? Your life is about to change, from the world of hair products to tampons -- here's how:
1. Your opinion is always wrong.
This normally comes down to clothing. If a woman ever asks, “What do you think of this?” she's just waiting to see if you agree with her opinion, which, of course, is always wrong.
A simple way to avoid this can’t-win situation is to say, “Ooh! What do you think?” Women are normally apt to tell you what they think, anyway, so once you’ve judged whether she likes it or not, you can nod along or shake your head appropriately. It's a foolproof solution.
2. Your helpful advice is also wrong.
This is mostly a weight thing. No matter how many times your lady whines about being fat or needing to go on a diet or wanting to lose some weight, the answer is always, “Don’t be silly, darling, you look gorgeous!” Even if she then continues on a body-image rant, stick to the pre-approved phrase.
Women have plenty of lady friends who can advise in a far more appropriate fashion if a calorie cutback is needed, meaning your role is redundant.
Answers to avoid at all costs include, “Well, go to the gym, then,” or “Just try cutting back a bit,” or even, “Serves you right for eating that entire box of cookies last night.”
3. Women shave.
She won’t ever tell you about it, and you’ll never know it’s happening, but every now and again, you’ll suddenly see her beautifully moisturized legs waving around in your face, yet again.
Just don’t ever mention it. Don’t say, “Ooh, you shaved!” or ask when her next "proper shower" will be or even wonder where she keeps her womanly supplies.
You need not question the shaving occurrence. Just accept that it will happen and make sure you appreciate it when it does.
4. Any remaining hair gets everywhere.
Don’t even try to clean it up. A lady’s hair gets everywhere, especially between the sheets. You can’t give us a good romping and expect us not to shed all over you.
You’ll find stray hairs on your pillow; you’ll find stray hairs on the sofa, and you’ll even find stray hairs making their way into your laundry, and will, thus, be digging them out from a fresh pair of underwear.
And, don’t even bother trying to work out how it ended up between your butt cheeks.
5. Women have periods.
Just as with the shaving, don’t mention it. It’s quite okay to pretend it doesn't happen and to be blissfully ignorant every time it does.
Be there if she needs you, and by all means, offer hot water bottles, paracetamol and endless sofa snuggles in full abundance, but don’t ever play the “Are you on your period?” card. If you do, you'll face the deserved consequences.
6. Hands off our beauty box!
Women have many tools of the trade — tweezers, nail files, a variety of hairbrushes and so much more. But, these tools are solely for women’s use.
It is simply unacceptable to ask to borrow a woman’s nail clippers to maintain your smelly man feet, as is using tweezers to pluck that ingrown hair from your man junk. Just no.
7. The same goes for body products.
Expensive shampoo, fancy moisturizer, cleansing face wipes — these are not intended for masculine use.
If you’re mid-shower and realize you’ve run out of body wash, don’t reach for the tiny, horrifically overpriced bottle of exfoliating cleanser to scrub your manliness.
8. The fridge works both ways.
If you’ve ever had a roommate, you’ll know the dramas that the shared fridge brings.
Whilst a romantic encounter softens this blow a little bit, if you have goodies you want to keep for yourself, expect that she’ll bring her own supply of tasty delights that you are strictly not allowed to have. A shared box of chocolates after dinner, sure, but stay away from the Greek yogurt.
9. This also works with shopping.
You’ll have to share the shopping. Whether this means you go together and make an evening event out of buying milk or you both go individually and end up with a list of requirements from your other half (all of which you’ll inevitably get wrong), you need a system.
Accept that you’ll end up paying for her hair products every now and again, and learn to be bold when checking out with a box of tampons. Women feel the same way when buying condoms, so it works both ways.
10. All you have to do is ask.
Sometimes, women do the wrong thing, whether it’s putting the glasses in the wrong cupboard, not hanging up the towels correctly or failing to rearrange the throw pillows in the appropriate order. Rather than getting into nit-picky argument, all you have to do is ask.
A simple, “Hey, honey, would you mind doing it this way instead?” works a billion times better than, “How many more times are you going to get this wrong?” If you don’t tell us, we won’t know. Although we like to think we are, we’re not mind readers.
But, if you can survive the ups and downs that come with cohabiting with the love of your life, you’ll soon realize how wonderful it is knowing every morning, she'll be there, next to you, ready for cuddles and pre-work kisses. Ultimate win.