Sometimes life can be hard, especially when it comes to the dating world. One minute you’re posting ridiculous pictures of you and your significant other on Instagram, then the next, you’re diving into sadness.
It doesn't matter if you guys were together for 10 years or just a couple of months; the pain of saying goodbye is generally the same. Yet, there is a light at the end of your Ben & Jerry’s pint.
When it comes to breakups, we often find ourselves doing some pretty silly things to cope with the pain. From watching chick flicks, to reading Jane Austen novels, to listening to Coldplay -- the following 10 steps highlight this unavoidable process.
At this point, there’s not much to learn — You’re barely even thinking and you don’t remember why you’re crying. You just are. There’s a lot off pain and your brain just isn’t ready to process any information. Some people will tell you to suck it up. But the fact is, this is a crucial part of letting go. If you want to learn something from this step, here it is: just put it out there.
You’re still crying
You’re still draining the remaining liquids from your body. Now you know why you were crying in the first place. You've been hit with a nostalgic wave of memories and you're probably thinking that life is a b*itch.
You’re hopelessly searching for some answers Why are you in this situation? What the f*ck happed? Well here’s a tip: Stop searching for answers. What you need to do is start to accept that it just wasn’t working. A lot of people forget that breakups don’t manifest out of thin air. No matter the reasons, the other person just wasn’t into it anymore. And honestly… would you really want to be with someone who’s just not into you anymore?
The chick flick distractions
People may advise you to leave the 90s chick flicks aside, but since you know you’ll watch them anyway, so be it. Just remember, the 90s are so not the 21st century. (Boys have Facebook now.) Though watching films might be a nostalgic escape, you will realize sooner or later that you’re ready to face your true reality, as do the main characters in the films that you’ve just spent hours watching.
Music. Painful, yet, therapeutic
In the car, on your way to school or in your own room. THAT song will play and there’s nowhere to hide. So, don’t run away. Embrace it. The main reasons for people to “run away” from certain songs are the lyrics. They can be reminiscent moments with that other person. Well, it’s okay to remember the good times. Just because you’re not together anymore shouldn't mean that everything else needs to fade away. But, it's important to know how to separate a memory from an attempt to relive a situation.
Another example are lyrics that send some kind of message. Sometimes it’s hard to find someone who can become your personal Dr Phil. So, just close your eyes and let the music take you far away. Pay attention and learn from what’s playing.
Searching for the perfect man
There is no such thing as perfection. So, enjoy "Pride and Prejudice." But remember, even Mr. Darcy wasn’t perfect.
You’re crying... again
At this point, it seems like you're crying for no valuable reason, but you're finally letting go. And, you now know that it was the best choice.
You hate men
You hate everything and anything that has to do with men and relationships. It’s extreme, but it probably won’t last very long. Sometimes, it’s good to feel in control of your own feelings. You desperately want to feel something that’s not pain and hatred is a lot easier than happiness. But, know that you will let these feelings go sooner than you may think.
First night out
For some girls, the best way to let go of someone is to get with someone else. And though it is advisable to go have fun, do be certain that you are ready. Even though it might lead to "just some hook up," you have to stop and think if you're okay with kissing a new guy. There is no problem with taking time before you jump into some new guy's arms just yet — be happy that you’re out and not at home.
You eventually kiss someone else
It’s weird and at the same time, just so normal. You probably expect it to feel somehow different, but no. It’s just a kiss. Maybe you’ll still compare it to your previous guy and maybe you'll look for some sort of awkwardness.
It may be uncomfortable when you find out that 1. there are other guys interested in you, 2. you haven’t magically forgotten how to kiss and 3. you’re not going to be alone forever — but mostly, it'll feel exciting.
You start to think more about yourself and less about the breakup
One day, you'll wake up, look in the mirror and think what the hell happened to my hair and you’ll just start to fill your time with yourself. You’ll realize that you've been missing out on certain things, the things you had to do and the things you feel like doing.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re over the person, but it does mean that you're learning that you don’t need someone else to live your life happily. Your previous self is starting to return to your body, wiser and more determined. You'll take control of your life and not allow a broken heart dictate it.