Who the hell needs a lover when you could just cozy up by the fire in comfy clothes, like a unicorn onesie, and enjoy your own sweet company?
I know, I know, the holidays can be wildly annoying when you're a single kitten with no bae in plain sight. Couples holding hands (gag), couples posing for photographs in front of cheesy christmas lights (double gag) and couples kissing as the snow falls to the ground (triple gag).
It can feel a little lonely, almost as if the universe is just throwing in your face just how single you are.
Babes, don't worry about it, because lovers can leave you. Lovers can cheat on you. Lovers can be very irritating and very disappointing in bed.
But you, on the other hand, are fabulous. You will never leave you (or annoy you or fail to give yourself a mind-blowing orgasm).
So celebrate your single life this holiday season with these fierce, sexy winter clothes that will keep you warmer than a bae EVER COULD:
1. A Badass Single Girl XXX-MAS Sweater
Every single girl needs a spin-off of the ugly christmas sweater, and that's the badass christmas sweater.
It's cute and cozy, but also gives off a very independent "leave me alone" vibe (which is always sexy).
Over the knee socks are not only warm AF, they're also a kinky play on the classic, innocent sock.
Wear them with just your underwear, or with high-heeled boots. You'll feel sexy but coy and fierce all at once.
3. A matching sweatsuit
It will remind you of your Juicy Couture fleece sweatsuit days, only more modern and less basic.
I like this skeleton one because it's disturbing — and when you're single, you should try to rock the most disturbing clothes possible because soon you'll have a bae and lose your personal style in the relationship.
Just kidding! $108, shopbop.com
4. Silk eye-mask
Nothing makes me feel more luxurious than a silk eye mask. I think all sleep better when luxurious fabric is draped over our mascara adorned eyes, right?
5. Reindeer Onesie
No bae in the world can keep as warm as onesie.
Onesies are my favorite outfit, and they're perfect for cold nights. Warning: they might want make you want to be single forever.
6. A plush robe
Nothing in this world is sweeter than getting out of a hot shower, and rather having an annoying bae trying to hook up with you, you can just crawl into a plush, velvety robe.
7. Femme White PJs
Sometimes we just want to feel impossibly pretty when we go to bed, and that's why a pair of pretty white pajamas are perfect.
I say don't just wear these to bed, wear them in life because they're beautiful and you're fab and single and can do whatever the fuck you want.
8. Knitted Beanie
My mother used to tell me "you'll never be cold, darling, so long as you keep your head WARM."
Mother was right, keep your head warm in a vintage-looking knit beanie.
9. Grown Up Sweater Dress
If you're going to a holiday party and it's going to be full of annoying couples, wear a sophisticated sweater dress.
You'll look hot as hell, and you'll stay warmer than any of the unhappy couples that surround you.
10. Plush expensive toy
People might not consider teddy bears clothes, but I do if they come from the most fabulous department store in the entire world. Get a posh teddy bear from a fancy store, and cuddle with that luxurious lover all night long.
You can get the classic Harrods Teddy Bear for under $20.
Who needs anyone when you can cuddle with a sweet bear that won't talk and be really annoying?