Whether your coworker totally screwed you over or your roommates ate all your Greek yogurt, feeling your feelings is a part of being human — even the not-so-nice ones. If you've been dating someone for a while or you're seeing someone new, but it has started to feel a little off, it's not always easy to tell whether you're unhappy in your relationship or perhaps just having a bad day. But when you're frequently frustrated with your boo and you keep canceling date night to spend time with your friends, it's natural to wonder if your relationship is what's making you unhappy.
"Rough patches are a part of the relationship. Our partners, like us, go throw so many changes over the course of a relationship," Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist and Host of 'The Kurre and Klapow Show,' tells Elite Daily. "We need to be careful not to attribute changes in the nature of the relationship, our emotions, or their emotions, to falling out of love."
Relationships of all kinds change over time, and with them our priorities, goal, and emotions' ebb and flow, too. But if you're starting to suspect your romantic relationship is causing you to feel a little low, Dr. Klapow shares four things you may notice about yourself.
Maybe you leave them on read during the day or you fib and say you're busy when really you're watching the 1968 Barbra Streisand classic Funny Girl in your jammies and eating your roommates' Thai leftovers.
"You avoid your partner," Dr. Klapow says. "You’re not arguing or appear mad, but rather you are doing more and more things on your own. You check in less with your partner, less discussion — you simply go at it alone,"
Independence is a beautiful thing. And being in a romantic partnership doesn't mean you can't do things on your own. But if you notice you'd rather always be alone than with your boo, it may be time for a check in.
A partnership doesn't need to mean completely reworking your busy schedule around someone else. And maintaining your own life within a romantic relationship can be a super important practice. But if you seem to be boxing them out with plans they aren't invited to, it may mean you need some space.
"You may feel generally happy and are cordial to your partner but you just seem to be packing your schedule with more activities," Dr. Klapow says. "It may be more work, more time with friends, or others, just more time without your partner."
Being unhappy within a relationship doesn't necessarily mean being unhappy with your partner as a person. You may totally love who they are and what they bring to the earth, but if you notice you're feeling less eager to include them in your plans, it may mean you may need to take some more time for yourself.
According to Dr. Klapow, a growing distance can be a relationship red flag. If you're noticing a pretty big emotional gap, it may be time to check in wit your boo about how you're both feeling.
"When there feels to be a misfit, a distance that despite our efforts to come together is growing farther apart, it is possible that the relationship has indeed come to a point of no return," Dr. Klapow says.
Of course, Dr. Klapow also states that distance in relationships can be salvageable if you and your boo both feel eager to be close again. Having open conversations and being intentional to listen to your partner when they express their feelings can be good steps in bridging a relationship gap.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're unhappy with your partner or if you're just in kind of a funk. If you notice feeling less cheerful around your partner but still seem to be in good spirits around other people, it may be a sign you're not super happy in your relationship.
"You seem to get much more joy from interacting with others," Dr. Klapow says. "It may be friends, it may be co-workers, but you notice that your happiness comes with others versus your partner."
If other people and things are still bringing you joy, it may be time to check in with your partner about how your relationship is making you feel.
Feeling unhappy in a relationship doesn't mean you don't love your partner anymore or even that you're bound to breakup. Romantic comedies may end with sunsets and Champagne, but IRL, "happily ever after" means establishing boundaries, opening lines of communication, mutual respect, and willingness to compromise. If you're thinking your relationship is making you feel blue, try talking to your partner about how you're feeling. Regardless of the natural ebb and flow of relationships, you deserve to be happy in your life. And that is something that never changes.
