Zara Barrie

Zara Barrie is a senior writer for Elite Daily. She's consumed by style, sexuality, women, words, fashion and feelings. She identifies as a "mascara lesbian" and lives beyond her means on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

Stop Getting Possessive Over Your Lesbian BFF When She's Trying To Get Laid

Attention self-identified straight women who have at least one lesbian friend: Do not — I repeat — DO NOT get possessive over your lesbian friend when she's trying to get laid. Don't hold her hand at a Pride after party. Don't act bitchy toward the g…
By Zara Barrie

The Identity Crisis Of Being A Lesbian Who Hates Sports

I'll never, ever forget my first big-time lesbian crush. I was a lowly sixth grader and the object of my obsession, Cleo*, was a wildly popular eighth grader. I spent my days admiring her from afar, but cool Cleo was in no way aware of my meaningless…
By Zara Barrie

30 Fears I Have About Marriage Now That I'm 30

“When I get married, I'm going to have the most glam wedding EVER!” I used to croon to my best friend Ruba when we were in our early 20s. “When I get married, I'm not going to wear white. I'm going to wear black, and my nuptials will take place in I…
By Zara Barrie

5 Bizarre Misconceptions Femme Lesbians Deal With In The Dating World

Lesbians are often divided into two (very dated and overly-simplistic) categories: “femme” and “butch.” Since the moment I came bounding out that dark, repressive closet, the jury quickly charged me with being a "femme." “Oh my God, you're such a FEM…
By Zara Barrie

This Is Your Naughtiest Sexual Fetish, Based On Your Personality Type

For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I liked to be so fiercely dominated in the bedroom. I mean, I'm a very assertive woman! I get off on being in control of my own life. I'm my own boss, and I've been described as ambitious from the time …
By Zara Barrie

10 Ways To Turn Your Pale Winter Complexion Into A Summer Glow Without Tanning

I don't know how it happened, and I don't know when it happened, but spring has sprung, darlings. I went on a plane to Florida two weeks ago, and I clearly remember furiously dragging my suitcase through the icy streets of Manhattan as I shivered, wa…
By Zara Barrie

30 Toxic Relationships You Need To Cut Out Of Your Life By 30

I used to secretly pride myself in how dynamic and multifaceted my eclectic group of "friends" was. I was that girl who let anyone and everyone into her orbit. I rubbed elbows with teenage junkies, called emotionally abusive, misogynistic boy creatur…
By Zara Barrie

5 Ways To Escape Your Anxiety-Ridden Mind Without Self-Medicating

I used to be so intensely anxious all of the time that I would pop benzodiazepines into my mouth like they were breath mints. “Benzodiazepines” are in the Xanax, Klonopin and Valium family of psychotropic drugs. They're used to treat anxiety disorder…
By Zara Barrie

5 Signs It's Time For You To Break Up With Your Therapist

After reading this headline, you're probably thinking to yourself, "Signs it's time to dump your therapist? Who does this bitch think she is?" Maybe you're a therapist yourself, or you're the protective child of a fabulous therapist. But please, befo…
By Zara Barrie

5 Signs It Might Be Time To Try Antidepressants If Nothing Else Is Working

There is such a stigma in our culture surrounding antidepressants that for years, I didn't tell anyone I was taking them to treat my major depressive disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder. I can't tell you how many times I've kept my mouth shut…
By Zara Barrie

We're All Great At Oral: 7 Myths About Lesbian Sex, Debunked By A Lesbian

"My boyfriend does not know how to go down on me AT ALL,"  said my friend Lola*. "He just sticks his massive face in between my legs and devours my vagina like it's a jelly goddamn donut. It's not even remotely enjoyable." "Don't even get me started.…
By Zara Barrie

9 Embarrassing, Gross Secrets Only Your Longtime Hairdresser Knows About You

I met my hairstylist Owen Gould at a high school party in 2003. I was wearing ripped fishnet stockings, chunky platform Mary Janes and hideous sparkly eyeshadow. Pimples were scattered across my oily forehead, and eyeliner was smeared across my face.…
By Zara Barrie

The Terrifying Moment You Realize You've Spent Your Whole Life Drunk Or Hungover

The first time I ever got wasted, I was a skinny adolescent living in the affluent suburbs of Connecticut. It was New Year's Eve, and we had just raided Lilly's* parents' liquor cabinet... because we were bored adolescents living in suburban Connecti…
By Zara Barrie

I Got Lip Injections To Feel Less Depressed, And It Actually Worked

"Mom, don't get mad, but I've decided to get lip injections," I boasted over the phone to my lovely English mother. I was pacing around my brother's Los Angeles apartment in hot pink Betsy Johnson leopard-print pajamas with last night's eyeliner smud…
By Zara Barrie

30 Things I Learned About Mental Health That Everyone Should Know By 30

Today, I'm going to bestow all of you 20-something vixens with a very important PSA: Don't believe anything you see, read or hear about life in your 20s from people who are out of their 20s. They've blocked out the dismal reality of their 20th decade…
By Zara Barrie

Why Alpha Females Are Actually The Most Sensitive People On The Planet

Anytime anyone refers to me as an “alpha female,” I fall ill with an irrepressible bout of imposter syndrome. I'm the type of lady who can't hold back either, so I'll usually dramatically scream, “NO. I'm NOT an alpha female!" to any innocent person …
By Zara Barrie

I Date Women Like My Dad: 5 'Straight Girl Issues' I Have Even Though I'm A Lesbian

"Oh, I never worry about sleeping with a girl after the first date!" I bitchily purred to my straight friends one hungover Sunday afternoon. "Lesbians don't slut shame each other the same way men do to women." I had caught them exchanging worried gla…
By Zara Barrie

6 Ways Your Relationship With Your Parents Changes From Your 20s To Your 30s

I've always had an incredibly close, wildly emotional, deeply-loaded relationship with my parents. Real talk: I wasn't the easiest kid in the world to raise. As a teenager, I was a complicated closeted lesbian who secretly abused hard drugs and alco…
By Zara Barrie

30 Horrendous Beauty Mistakes I Made in My 20s That I'm Leaving Behind In My 30s

Honey, when I was in my 20s, I made all kinds of terrible, thoughtless, wildly immature mistakes. A shiver goes down my spine when I think about all the shame-spiraling things I did in that gorgeously reckless decade. I slept with spineless losers (t…
By Zara Barrie

5 Signs You're A Former Party Girl, And It's As Comforting As It Is Scary

"Why the HELL do you have to set the alarm for 4:30 am?" my brother screamed. "Blake! I have to be at a WORK MEETING at 11 in the MORNING you asshole! I have CAREER!" I screamed back at him, hitting "snooze." I was sleeping on a slowly deflating air …
By Zara Barrie