Connor Toole

Connor Toole is Elite Daily’s Senior Humor Writer and resident giant, standing at 6’ 10”. He graduated from Boston College, where he majored in something he immediately regretted. His interests include Mark Ruffalo.
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If Your Boss Acted Like Your Instagram Feed, You Wouldn't 'Like' It (Video)

Even though it might seem like a great idea in the waning moments of happy hour, your boss following you on Instagram comes with potential downsides, and all you have to do is take a look at the pictures you don't remember uploading to realize them. …
By Connor Toole

Grandmas Play F*ck Marry Kill With Celebrities, Rappers And Dictators (Video)

There is no shortage of games to pick from when you have too much alcohol and nothing to do. But if you want to spur some seriously intense and intelligent discussion, you don't have to look any further than F*ck, Marry, Kill. The name of the game mi…
By Connor Toole

No One's More Sorry Than This Grandma Who Accidentally Ate The Last Doughnut

Anyone who's lived with roommates with poor impulse control knows how frustrating it can be to go to eat a treat you set aside for yourself, only to be met with a pile of crumbs and the sense of existential sadness that comes along with having your f…
By Connor Toole

You Probably Didn't Realize This Scene In 'Hey Arnold!' Was Extremely NSFW

Last summer, I woke up after a particularly long night of poor decisions and soon discovered one of those decisions was to go on Amazon at 1 am and order a box set containing every single episode of "Hey Arnold!" to ever air on Nickelodeon. I debated…
By Connor Toole

What If A Restaurant Made Food For You ONLY To Instagram, Not Eat?

Over the past few years, the culinary world gave birth to creations -- like rainbow bagels and over-the-top milkshakes -- that seem like they're specifically designed to garner as many likes as possible on Instagram. I recently had the opportunity to…
By Connor Toole

You Can Now Enroll Your Baby In DJ School To Become The Next Calvin Harris

In the early 2000s, the geniuses behind Baby Einstein convinced an entire generation of parents their babies could be geniuses, as long as they decided to distract their children with a trademarked series of videos featuring puppets and bright colors…
By Connor Toole

A Bunch Of Dildos Cause Absolute Chaos After Getting Loose In A Busy Street

Russia has traditionally been one of the world's top exporters of videos featuring insane things happening on public roadways, which is partially due to virtually every driver installing a dashcam to document the accidents and incidents of insurance …
By Connor Toole

Genius Company Creates An Epic Adult-Sized Stroller For Parents To Test Ride

If you've reached the point in life where your Facebook feed has become a steady stream of pictures of babies you can't tell apart, you've likely seen plenty of proof of just how far some new parents are willing to go to make sure they're doing every…
By Connor Toole

Yep, You Can Actually Buy Lipstick That Looks Exactly Like A D*ck

There's always been a surprisingly sizeable market for products resembling penises, ranging from the ever-popular drinking straws that are staples at bachelorette parties to the bags of edible phalli you can send to anyone you want to literally eat a…
By Connor Toole

9 Pictures That Prove Dads Should Never Be Allowed On Social Media

There seems to be a fundamental change in the way your brain functions when you become a dad: Cargo shorts are suddenly viewed as fashionable, puns are viewed as the purest form of humor and the music of Steely Dan becomes virtually irresistible. I d…
By Connor Toole

This Is What 'Oregon Trail' Would Look Like If It Existed Today

I went through a dark period early on in life when I was only allowed to play "educational" video games, so "Oregon Trail" holds a special spot in my heart for combining the elements of an RPG with a lesson in history (a lesson that essentially amoun…
By Connor Toole

This Guy Used A Sloth To Surprise His Girlfriend With An Adorable Proposal

You (at least, theoretically) only get to propose to someone once, so it's important to come up with a plan that makes the person you're asking so emotionally overwhelmed, the only thing he or she can do is instinctively say "yes." One of the ways to…
By Connor Toole

These Are The Biggest Warning Signs Your Neighborhood Is Gentrified

In 1964, Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart fell short in his attempt to define hardcore pornography with an opinion that reduced his litmus test for obscenity to one simple phrase: "I know it when I see it." Many people have attempted to apply a c…
By Connor Toole

This Video Is Literally All Of Us When Our Colleges Ask For Donations

You're alone in your apartment when your phone rings unexpectedly, punctuating the silence and jolting you out of your Netflix-induced stupor for the first time in hours. You look down to see who's responsible for interrupting the tranquility only to…
By Connor Toole

This Teen Posted Her Diary From When She Was 7 And The Entries Are Hilarious

Most elementary school students haven't lived long enough to experience any real adversity, so it's very possible something most people would consider inconsequential is genuinely the worst thing that's ever happened to someone whose age hasn't crack…
By Connor Toole

This Man Explains What It's Like To Be A Victim Of Gentrification In NYC

The word "Williamsburg" has been synonymous with bike-riding, mustache-sporting, flannel-wearing hipsters since the mid-2000s, but in the past few years, the neighborhood lost a fair amount of the character (and characters) that helped transform it i…
By Connor Toole

This Woman Is Using Fruit To Show You Exactly How To Finger A Woman

The line between art and pornography has always been a blurry one, which can make it difficult to objectively sort something into either category without someone suddenly appearing to tell you why you're wrong. For this reason, I hesitate to group th…
By Connor Toole

People Took Fake Book Covers On The Subway Again And Got The Best Reactions

Last month, comedian Scott Rogowsky hopped on the subway in New York City armed with an arsenal of fake books with titles designed to make even the most ambivalent commuter look twice. Covers for "Definitely Not Porn" and "Gone Girl 2: Even Goner" el…
By Connor Toole

13 Drunk People Who Left Their Sober Selves A Surprise For The Morning

After I graduated from college, I decided to make a conscious effort to figure out how to drink alcohol without inevitably blacking out and waking up in a frenzied daze the next morning while trying to remember what decisions I'd made to make my body…
By Connor Toole

This Guy Was Only Worried About His Hot Pocket When A Shooting Broke Out

It was a busy Wednesday in Blytheville, Arkansas last week when police responded to seven separate shootings in a 24-hour period -- a spree that, thankfully, resulted in just one person being sent to the hospital with minor injuries. While 21-year-ol…
By Connor Toole