Is It OK To Call Off An Engagement? Here's What Experts Have To Say

Ad failed to load

Taking the major step forward to tie the knot with your bae is certainly not a decision to ever take lightly. You are promising that you have every intention of staying together for the rest of your lives, which, let's be real, is a very long time. While it's easy to get swept up in the moment of a proposal and respond with a resounding yes, if you're having major doubts after careful consideration, then it is 100 percent OK to call off an engagement.

Getting engaged to someone may seem like a logical decision to you at the time. You're ready for marriage. Life might be easier with a combined income or some sort of companion. The list of "logical" reasons goes on. However, all too often, we forgo listening to our intuition, trying to let only logic dictate the decisions we make. And though using logic is certainly a valid way to problem solve, deciding to spend your life with someone is something that both your head and your heart should feel confident about.

At the end of the day, the thought of telling someone whom you may very well still love that you want to take a step back after getting engaged is enough to make just about anyone have a full-blown panic attack. Elite Daily spoke with licensed psychotherapist Allison Abrams (LCSW-R) and Dr. Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist (DHS, MA, BA) and founder of Eros Coaching, to get their insight on whether or not calling off an engagement is really the way to go and how to handle a case of cold feet.

Ad failed to load

Both Dr. Lee and Abrams agree that it is totally and completely normal to feel anxious and even have doubts post-engagement. According to Abrams, when figuring out the best way to proceed with the concerns you're having, recognize that you are in the midst of make a huge, life-altering decision, so nerves are to be expected.

"Try not to panic. The anxiety doesn't necessarily reflect doubt about the relationship, but could be about a number of other issues that have nothing to do with the relationship," says Abrams.

Ad failed to load

Dr. Lee recommends taking some time to think about the things you love about your relationship and also the things that may be giving you concerns.

"An activity like writing the pros vs cons (or good vs negative) aspects of the person and the possible life together can bring some clarity," says Dr. Lee. This is an activity that can allow you to zero in on "if a lifetime together makes sense, putting the physical and romantic attraction aside."

Ad failed to load

Once you've given yourself the chance to fully process the source of your uncertainty, Abrams and Dr. Lee believe that calling of an engagement is, in fact, 100 percent OK, should you realize getting married isn't the best idea for you. This is particularly true if your doubts are about "who you are marrying, and not just about marriage in general," Abrams says.

"As hard and as painful [as] it may be for all involved, calling off an engagement will by far be easier than going through the painful process of divorce," warns Abrams.

And while it may be tempting to put off a conversation like this, Abrams and Dr. Lee recommend bringing up your feelings to your partner as soon as possible. "Practice your speech and think about possible responses to their possible questions," recommends Dr. Lee. This is most certainly not the time to wing it. You won't want things to be misconstrued or to come out wrong, so prepare your thoughts and feelings as best you can.

Ad failed to load

Even if the thought of telling your partner that you aren't ready to take the next step is likely going to hurt them, remember, you're doing what's best for you and for them in this situation. You both deserve to be with someone who is nothing but excited about the prospect of marrying you. If you can't give your partner that, allow them to find someone who can.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Ad failed to load

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!

Ad failed to load

Must Reads

I Rejected The Idea Of "The One" & Found A Whole New Method Of Self-Care

After my third date with a guy I met by swiping right, I had one question burned into my brain before I agreed to a fourth. Was he the one? Now, before you call me a total stalker, hear me out. In New York City, third dates were rare. I'm talking blo…
By Brittany Leitner

Finding Adventure In Your 20s May Be More Important Than Searching For A Soulmate

Your wanderlust is calling, so what are you waiting for? Being 20-something is all about finding your passion and purpose in life. Maybe you went to college and figured it all out between the books and long nights spent in the library. Or maybe you'r…
By Marisa Casciano

I Tried A Laughter Yoga Class & I Nearly Peed My Pants From Giggling So Hard

There's nothing funny about yoga, except for the fact that, if you look at yourself in the mirror while your body twists like a giant pretzel you'd nibble on at a baseball game, you do look kind of funny. Well, actually, you look a little like you're…
By Jen Glantz

Experts Say Doing This One Thing In The Morning Will Make You Way More Productive

I don’t know about you, but I don’t initially wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy; that whole “up and at ‘em” mindset takes work on weekdays. I will say, however, that I am a morning person by nature, and fully believe in the benefits of stic…
By Julia Guerra

A Psychic Read My Crystals & Said I'd Die Alone, But Then Everything Changed

I love my girlfriend for many reasons. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. She makes me feel safe. She screams the soundtrack to Dear Evan Hansen with me when we're riding in her car. But TBH, one of the main reasons I love her so much is th…
By Theresa Massony

This Instagram Star's Famous Lip Art Actually Has An Incredible Emotional Backstory

In a post-Kardashian world, every millennial thinks they have what it takes to go viral, but few consider what that online fame actually looks like in a person's daily life. In Elite Daily's new series, Life Behind The Likes, we speak with the people…
By Lilli Petersen

A New 'This Is Us' Theory Claims It's All Happening Inside Jack's Head & OMG

Ever since This is Us revealed how Jack died in their post-Super Bowl episode (damn you, Crock Pot) fans have been desperate to know where the show is headed — and if there are any other major twists they should be prepared for. The Season 2 finale i…
By Claire Spellberg

If You're Broke In Your 20s, You're Doing Something Right

It can be pretty disheartening when you're broke AF in your 20s. The silver lining in that constant struggle with currency is that you are doing what you want during this time of your life. Money isn't everything, and creatively and memorably using w…
By Jasmine Vaughn-Hall

How You'll Be Proposed To, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Forever and always starts with getting down on one knee. Wedding season is right around the corner, and with it comes a lot of love stories. When you're watching the two do their first dance, or looking through old pictures, you remember where it all…
By Marisa Casciano

Gen Z Yellow Is The New Millennial Pink, So I Tried Wearing It All Over My Face

A few months ago, everything from makeup to clothes and even home appliances simply needed to be Millennial Pink. Being a millennial myself, I totally bought into the color craze, but there's a new hue (one that technically doesn't represent me at al…
By Stephanie Montes

These Theories About What Khloé Kardashian Will Name Her Baby Are So, So Good

The Kardashian family's future is most certainly female. The world was overjoyed when Kim K introduced us to her daughter, Chicago. We cried tears of joy when we found out that Kylie was in fact pregnant all along and had a baby girl named Stormi. An…
By Karen Ruffini

This Pup Is Going Viral Because People Think He Looks Like A Human

We all know our pups at home are beyond special. If you post pictures of your pet on social media in hopes that everyone notices just how cute your furry friend is, you're really not alone. You probably receive a bunch of comments with people gushing…
By Rachel Chapman

This Is What Staring At Screens All Day Could Do To Your Eyes In The Long Run

By now, you’ve probably heard all about how bad the glaring blue light from your smartphone and computer screen is for your sleep cycle. These claims are true, BTW, which means if technology has the power to creep inside your brain and mess with your…
By Julia Guerra

Kylie Jenner Finally Answers All Your Questions About Her Pregnancy & Stormi Webster

If someone has a baby, but you never got to see them go through pregnancy, were they really ever pregnant? It's a question I find myself asking over and over again since Kylie Jenner welcomed daughter Stormi Webster to the world. I'm so excited that …
By Hollee Actman Becker

These 3 Zodiac Signs Burn Through Relationships The Fastest

It's hard enough to find love in this dog-eat-dog world. You write the perfect bio for your Tinder profile, dress to impress, go on dates with strangers that your friends set you up with, even fork over thousands of dollars to a professional matchmak…
By Roya Backlund

Find Out Which 'The Office' Character You Are, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Long before mockumentary was NBC's favorite comedy style to produce, The Office introduced its fans to the groundbreaking style in its 2005 debut. Because it is such a realistic-looking show, the characters felt even more lifelike than most comedy ch…
By Kristen Perrone

Khloe Kardashian Shared Tips For Looking "Skinny AF" & People Are Pissed

Anybody interested in looking their best on social media might be curious about Khloe Kardashian's tips to "look skinny" in photos. When somebody takes a picture of me, I tell them to snap away as I strike one pose after another. When it comes to pos…
By Stephanie Montes

6 Things No One Tells You About Moving In With Your Partner That You Need To Know

If you’ve reached the point in your relationship where you find yourselves spending most of your time together — either at their place or yours — there’s a pretty big chance you’ve thought about living together. Taking this next step in your relation…
By Tayi Sanusi

How To Plan A Life-Changing Trip That'll Stick With You Long After You Return

When it comes to traveling, it seems like everyone is doing it for the 'Gram these days. As you scroll through your Instagram feed, it may seem like travel is all about getting that perfect shot or jumping from one bucket list destination to another.…
By Ciara Johnson

These 4 Celebrities Are Actually Twins & You Definitely Had No Idea

Mary-Kate and Ashley. Tia and Tamera. Dylan and Cole. There are some twins in Hollywood that have become super successful thanks to the fact that they are a pair. Two is better than one, right? But some A-listers have a twin who isn't in the public e…
By Karen Ruffini