Twitter

22 Tweets About Everyone Getting Married And Having Kids

By
Ad failed to load

Growing up is a total buzzkill.

One minute, it's like, "Oh my God, I'm 21 years old! Where my raspberry vodka at?!" and the next minute, it's like, "Hi! Welcome to the real world. Here are tax returns, a slower metabolism and the incessant reminder you're growing closer to death, so get a partner now or die alone."

Uncool, Universe.

Ad failed to load

Look, we're all just doing our best. We can't help it that, as millennials, we've have been called lazy, self-absorbed, easily distracted, entitled and detached from everyone else, doomed to be forever alone.

Fortunately for us, we have smart phones with which we can share our misery across the planet and connect with one another on meaningful levels.

Ad failed to load

And by meaningful levels, I mean the shared wonder at how people our age can possibly be getting married and having babies when we're still filing through dick picks and lying to our parents about totally having a boyfriend who isn't fake or anything.

Here are 22 hilarious tweets that summarize all our emotions about everyone settling down.

Most of us are still children ourselves.

These folks make some pretty strong points as to why we aren't responsible enough for families of our own yet:

Ad failed to load
Twitter
Twitter
Twitter
Ad failed to load
Twitter

Half of us still can't even feed ourselves, much less another person and a child.

Because, like, food is hard, and honestly, I don't have TIME to navigate meals for two — or dear God, THREE — people right now.

Ad failed to load
Twitter
Twitter
Twitter
Ad failed to load
Twitter

But we CAN order Dominos, naturally.

Plus, one Dominos pizza is basically a perfect feast to eat by yourself... while you're alone... because you're not married or having kids.

Ad failed to load
Twitter
Twitter

Some of us have our eye on a different kind of relationship that only booze can provide.

I'M NOT ALONE. I HAVE BOOZE. PLUS, BEING AN ADULT MEANS ADULT BEVERAGES, MMK?! WHERE'S MY PURSE? KAREN, GET MY PURSE.

Ad failed to load
Twitter
Twitter

Others feel like they are most compatible with their cats anyway.

Because from what Instagram tells me, having a cat is the best thing in the whole world — much better than marriage or babies.

Ad failed to load
Twitter

Plus, you're never alone if you have a dog.

From personal experience, I can tell you that having a dog is ACTUALLY the best thing in the whole world, and we are very happy together, thank you very much.

Ad failed to load

Why would I need a human partner when I have a fuzzy little one that never tells me I'm wrong and thinks the sun shines out of my butt?

Twitter
Twitter
Ad failed to load
Twitter

What can we say? We aren't forever alone, we just aren't in a rush to jump into anything too serious!

Like anyone would ever choose to take on more responsibilities, stress, financial burdens and health issues just for a RELATIONSHIP...

Ad failed to load
Twitter
Twitter
Twitter
Ad failed to load
Twitter

I think I can speak on behalf of all us when I say...

...this girl can speak on behalf of all of us. If we're gonna die alone, we're gonna be HAPPY ABOUT IT.

Ad failed to load
Twitter

If you need me, I'll be sitting on bed alone, shoving dry cheerios in my face, scrolling through twitter, nodding enthusiastically, hoping someone comes to my funeral when I die and hoping I don't die today.

Oh God... I'm so lonely...

Ad failed to load

 

Ad failed to load

Must Reads

The Travel Accessory You Need This Summer, According To Your Zodiac Sign

Leaving behind your hometown and exploring the great beyond is one of the most important things you'll ever do in your lifetime. It breaks the monotony of your daily routine, pushes you out of your comfort zone, and forces you to appreciate a world c…
By Roya Backlund

6 Commitment-Free Ways To Change Up Your Look After A Breakup, If You Feel Like It

I'm married and not breaking up (I just had to clarify before I get a call from my husband wondering what's going on). However, if for some reason we ever did separate (again, not happening!), I've imagined I'd have this Eat, Pray, Love moment where …
By Stephanie Montes

Here's Everything That's Leaving Netflix In June

Summer is here, and with it comes plenty of opportunity to binge watch more movies and TV shows that we never knew we needed in our lives. May has passed by in a blink of an eye, so I definitely need to catch up on what Netflix is getting rid of afte…
By Kristen Perrone

Cherry Print Is One Of Summer's Biggest Fashion Trends & It's So Much Sweeter Than Florals

If there's one thing that I've had my eye on this summer it's a cool, flirty cherry-print dress. Along with versatile black tops and blue denim, the color red has become a staple in my wardrobe this year and anytime I can infuse it into my daily look…
By Ariana Marsh

13 Must-Have Experiences You Should Buy In Your 20s, Instead Of A New Couch

Life is one big experience. When you hit your 20s, though, you start getting pulled in the direction of your responsibilities. It isn't totally a bad thing, but you don't want to get so wrapped into adulting that you forget life's zest. Amazing exper…
By Jasmine Vaughn-Hall

I Tried Kim Kardashian's Weird Beauty Obsession & I Can't Stop Taking Selfies

You've been there before: You're scrolling through your Instagram feed when you see your favorite celeb post about their favorite new product — a face serum, vitamins that will make your skin brighter, or a specialty food service. You can't help but …
By Stephanie Montes

Where You Should Vacation This Summer, According To Your Zodiac Sign

Summer is so much more than just sweating in 90 degree weather and enjoying a long, lazy break from school (if you're lucky enough to still be in school). It's a time for making exciting new plans, falling madly and hopelessly in love, opening your m…
By Roya Backlund

Wander or Bust: The Amalfi Coast May Just Be The Most Beautiful Thing You'll Ever See

Wander or Bust is an Elite Daily travel series that follows young women all over the globe to record their journeys as they experience the thrill of the far-flung and unknown. They'll track their budgets, where they stay, where they eat and drink, a…
By Kaylin Pound

6 Brutally Honest Phases Of Life After A Breakup, Because You Will Survive 

If you've ever been through a bad breakup, you know that the struggle is real. For the weeks (or possibly months, if it was a really bad one) that follow, life can be rough, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Don't believe me? Just l…
By Rachel Shatto

Here's How You Can Find Out What Your Aura Color Is

Do you remember that movie Almost Famous? More specifically, the scene where William is trying to have a phone call with his mom, but a clairvoyant Band-Aid keeps shouting "Your aura is purple!" in his face? Well, that was the first time I had ever h…
By Roya Backlund

9 Women In Their 20s Reflect On The Advice They Wish They Had At Graduation

Graduating college can feel seriously scary. You've spent your entire life in school, working and preparing for the moment you enter the real world, but what happens when you get there? What if things don't go totally according to plan? You may have …
By Brittney Morgan

3 Early Signs You Are Going To Have Undeniable Chemistry With Your Crush

I don't know if there's anything better than the excitement of having a new crush — especially when that feeling's reciprocated. The butterflies that rush through your stomach as soon as they enter a room. The electricity that zips through your veins…
By Genevieve Wheeler

Emoji Pool Floats Are Here To Match Every Mood You’re In This Summer

Searching for the perfect poolside accessory to lounge around in this summer? This year’s hottest warm weather water trend isn’t a big floppy hat or designer sunglasses — it’s an emoji pool float. That’s right: Your favorite little digital expression…
By Rachel Murphy

Here's How Your Mood & Your Favorite Music Are Secretly Connected, According To Science

If you're someone who's likely to be found with ear buds in her ears at all times, you might not realize just how often you listen to music, or the ways in which it's really affecting you. From your morning commute to the tunes you blast while you co…
By Caroline Burke

This Is How Long It Takes For A Partner To Really Trust You, According To Experts

Trust is easily one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship, but typically, it's not something that's fully there from the start because it takes some time to build. How long it takes for a partner to trust you is a question that doesn'…
By Tayi Sanusi

7 Things You Forgot To Thank Your High School Friends For & Should ASAP

Friends are a dime a dozen, but a solid, genuine group of girlfriends can be difficult to come by. When you find your tribe, you need to stick with them until the end. For some lucky people, your high school friends have been your besties since day o…
By Rachel Chapman

These 3 Zodiac Signs Will Have The Best Week, So Bask In The Glory

It's officially the second week of May, and the warmth of spring has finally arrived. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the bright weather is allowing everyone to finally break out their favorite pair of shorts. If you think the gorgeou…
By Roya Backlund

7 Men Reveal What Attracted Them To Their Last Crush & They'll Make You Swoon

He reminded me of Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl. That's legitimately what I found appealing about my most recent crush. Sorry, but it doesn't get any deeper than that. In other instances though, when I'm not trying to live out my lustful, adolescen…
By Sydnee Lyons

A Relationship Expert Reveals His Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide

"Long-distance relationships are extremely relaxing and easy to navigate," said no one in a long-distance relationship ever. Whether you are bicoastal babes or a quick two-hour train ride apart, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes…
By Kimmy Foskett
)}