When I read my horoscope, I read it for one thing, and one thing only. Not my love life, not my health, but how and when I will have enough money to live like someone who is about to file for bankruptcy. I want to know when the big bucks are coming, so if you're like me, you're gonna want to read on, because these three signs will have the best career year in 2018. I know it sounds cheesy as hell and it sounds like I'm making promises I can't keep, and to be brutally honest, maybe I am. But the stars seem to be pointing to an abundant year for these three zodiac signs in particular, and I would be remiss to keep that from you, my readers, because I f*cking care about you.

I think it's important to shell out the good info now, because astrology is about catching a wave of good vibes and riding that wave to O Town. By O Town, I mean orgasm. As in, a climax of money. I want to see you succeed this year as badly as I want to see myself succeed, because success breeds success, and — as much as I want to tie this breeding reference into the whole climax bit, it's not working. So just read on. Here are the lucky big spenders of 2018.

Aries

Aries has a huge two years ahead of them for business, and for what they're being seen for in the public eye. Saturn just entered its two and a half year stay in the sign of Capricorn in your tenth house of honors, awards, and achievements. This means your focus will be on who you are versus who you want to be, and if the discrepancy is too much, you'll do whatever is necessary this year to start correcting it.

There's a sense inside you that you no longer want to waste time just waiting on the success you desire to have, and over this year, and even into 2019, you'll be making it a reality. This might include making some changes to your income now, but the end result will pay you back tenfold as you prove to everyone around you how indispensable you are in your field of study. Be prepared to climb the ladder, even if your love life takes a back seat for a little while.

Sagittarius

Saturn just entered into your second house of earned income. Saturn is known as a disciplinarian planet, but the gifts you gain from its lessons make the restricting influence it has totally worth the sacrifices you make. Having Saturn in your second house means you'll probably begin the year needing a lesson in budgeting, but the benefit of tightening your belts means you'll gain a talent for making money on the side like the true hustler you are. You'll gain a more realistic approach to money and possessions this year, possibly learning about how to invest your money in ways you never deemed possible.

You'll find out new ways to put your resources to good use to make money this year, and there's a chance you get so good at it that you gain a new sense of financial freedom by simply making use of what you have. Don't quit your day job yet, but it's certainly a possibility as you use your creativity to make money this year.

Pisces

You just had Saturn leave your tenth house of fame and honors, and the massive progress you've made in building your reputation in your career of choice now begins to pay off in a material sense. You might feel as if the start of the year is a little slow for your liking, but by the second quarter of this year, around April, you'll begin to see things take off.

Stay focused on the projects that truly matter to you, and avoid bothering with small things that don't excite you or bring you joy. You may also notice this year that your interest in networking on a surface level begins to wane, and that you're only interested in the people with whom you can collaborate creatively. That's OK. Right now, you're making it clear to people what you came to do — which is to slay. So get out there and be somebody.